A Pity Soul With No Direction

Weary & out

2010-05-25T11:27:00.004+08:00

Just 2 weeks ago, I left StarHub.. 2 weeks later & right now sitting in front of my computer, I'm already down & out weary from my new job.. I'm not blaming my job but I blame myself for pushing myself too hard.. I'm always eager to learn more but this is the 1st time I had to reject all these infos passed to me because it is too much for me to absorb.. I had sleepless nights due to nightmares & I dragged myself to work everyday.. I had thought of leaving but I think I expected all these since I chose the path.. Yup.. Things aren't going well now but as they said.. We had to stick as a team.. Hopefully things will go smoothly from now on.. Maybe I'm being selfish myself but I think all of us in the team need a good long rest too.. Then again.. With our manpower to run 3 areas.. We got to suffer a long while more before things can be sorted out.. Not forgetting about the stupid shift work thingy.. The boss expect us to run shift with only 3 technician, or maybe a 4th who came in yesterday.. It is outrageous!! This is the only thing that triggers my unhappiness in my current job.. Everything he wants to run in other country's style but nothing is justified.. It is just an excuse to cut down on our OT.. I'll give myself a month more & nothing is changed.. I'll really just go.. What's the point of pushing ourselves so hard when nobody appreciate what we did.. We are only working for a better future.. Not selling our life to the company.. I don't want to earn more but have no life & to spend them.. No life as in I can't find time out to accompany family & friends around me.. What's the point then?? If it is so.. I rather choose a lower paid job & have time to spend with family & friends.. Anyway.. I'm just bitching over my unhappiness.. Nothing is fair in this world..
Overheard that there are alot of movement at other areas too.. Many quit their positions.. I guess I need not spell it out since it is so obvious.. There is really a big problem over here.. The management really needs to sit down & think over what went wrong.. If they are not.. then the problem will stay till as long as the place is there.. Some of our colleagues we need to work closely with are rumored to be moving on also.. I see a very big problem when the new person comes in.. They will confirm be more blur then sotong.. Good luck to my side..
Bought a new lappy.. Pay not out yet but it is a form of investment la.. kekekeke.. Not my dream one but at least it has the minimum requirements I looked for.. It is a Lenovo B450.. The best part is it comes with a 3 years warranty.. The 1st time I came across.. Wow right!?..
I'm not sure when I can sit down here to update again.. Hopefully not the time when I fall sick again.. The medicine is taking effect so yup.. Take care to all also.. Chaoz!~

Laid-back Doer: Career

2009-11-09T18:30:00.002+08:00

The Laid-back Doer is an extroverted Doer. You don’t enjoy being alone, but are a typical team worker instead. You would not stand working all by yourself. Dealing with other people, communicating as well as a friendly, collegial atmosphere is more important for you than for most of the other types. You love being part of a group where variety and the new are inspirational and exciting - so there are never enough social contacts.
For you, harmony is of central importance. You prefer a work environment without intrigues and political manipulation and where less elbow activities and confrontation, and more cooperation are the order of the day. Here is one of your major strengths: You are prepared to do a lot, mediate conflicts, reduce tensions, and are in top form when you are part of a positive working climate. To spread geniality and make peace among the worst troublemakers is often easy for you. Consequently, you are appreciated by colleagues and superiors, and have almost no problem getting along with the diverse people in your working environment.
Rather than too much routine and predictability, you need variety, and a certain amount of unpredictability as a part of your responsibilities at work. Your flexibility makes it easy for you to deal with several projects simultaneously. It does not bother you if the phone rings and somebody sticks his head through the door while you are in the middle of preparing a report. You juggle several activities synchronistically without a problem, and during your contacts with others you always remain friendly and obliging. It is a long time before one hears a cross word or any sign of excessive demand out of you.On the contrary, these situations are the icing on the cake for you, and without them your work is going to get boring in a hurry.
Then it can happen that you - wittingly or unwittingly- provoke a crisis by putting things off or becoming lackadaisical. In this way, you are trying to create a little more action during your daily routine. In the long run, you just can’t live without a certain amount of pressure, challenge, and excitement. There is certainly the possibility that these maneuvers occasionally backfire. Therefore, it is very important for you to make sure that adventure, fun, and the need for fast decisions are an integral part of your job description from the very beginning. The more unpredictable situations, alternatives for choice, and new impressions you have to face every day, the better

Got an advice from a good friend to do some test on my career path & etc.. End up what i have is as above.. OMG.. so much so did pointed out quite a number of my characteristic on my working attitude.. Sweet!! =P

Me.. Me.. Me..

2009-11-03T12:18:00.011+08:00

喜歡下雨，因為你不會知道我流淚....
喜歡發呆，因為你不會知道我想你....
喜歡孤單，因為你不會發現我愛你....
喜歡在你身邊，因為你是我快樂的唯一因素 ...

Is it true??

2009-10-28T19:27:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was something.. Today is everything.. Tomorrow will be anything..
As I slowly look at things around me at a lighter heart, recently hasn't been as moody as before.. Picking up a new trade recently also & hopefully, no, should be must do well in it.. Nothing to motivate me but I'm planning to look a little further into my future.. At age 28, still not much achievement in my career, much less about my life.. Believe I can push myself more if I could kicked away my the other personality, Laziness.. He is one hell & its a handful for me to handle..
Sound stupid but I'm actually wishing myself good luck & all the best.. Chiong ar!!!!

Same old shit again

2009-09-17T18:17:00.002+08:00

Super duper low morale.. Don't know why but kept having no security over my job.. Already lose sight over my company's vision & direction.. Looking around the office.. I might be the youngest around but thinking out.. I'm the lowest paid among all my friends.. What is happening to me?? I used to enjoy working.. I like my job.. But recently I'm just dragging myself to work.. There is no more drive left for me to push on.. *sigh*
Maybe as you grows older.. You find that no amount of money is enough for you.. Everyday you are just paying & paying.. After pay day comes.. Its mountain of payments to settle again.. What the hell is this?? Aren't our pay for us to spend & enjoy ourselves?? I'm wrong again after looking around.. Everybody is full of debts.. The rich gets richer & the poor gets poorer..
The average earnings for one is $3,800 at least.. OMFG!! I'm nowhere near at all & it is average mind you.. I belongs to the poor group if you look at it.. My pay don't even hit 2k.. Yeah.. Laugh all you want irritating & sarcastic bastards out there.. Stop boosting how good you are but actually you are not.. You are not happy at all because happiness cannot be bought by money, remember?? I guess I'll have the last laugh instead.. Maybe..

Please..

2009-09-11T09:50:00.004+08:00

Please.. Next time please think before u speak up to prevent those misunderstanding can?? Who the hell will know u mean it or not.. U alwayz said u don't mean this & that then what is it?? I really don't know at all.. U don't explain or speak up then expect me to know?? I'm no god.. I don't & can't read into someone's mind or the message he/she trying to put through.. If it is so tough.. then speak up.. I know u'r not good at expressing yourself but speak up.. U kept everything to yourself.. As if I know everything.. I don't at all.. Not at all.. Not a single bit.. Nevertheless.. Thanks for the timely reminder.. Appreciate that.. I really have no reason to go anymore after a night thoughts.. I'm never & will not belong there..
I'm so sick & tired of this life.. Why are we working so hard everyday for?? Have you ever question yourself on this?? I do.. I asked myself everyday before I leave for work.. Why do I work so hard for?? We worked hard but the blood suckers use our hard earn money for something else.. Kept our hard earn money & to be frank.. until death still see only digits but not the cash.. We have the rights to do whatever we want with our money so please mind your own business & stop sucking our money.. How I wish I could end this life soon.. Sleeping forever will be good.. Nothing can be compared with a good & peaceful sleep.. Nothing to worry.. Just sleep.. rot.. & finally return to nothing..
SICKENING!!!

Petition for extra holiday in Singapore

2009-08-07T18:54:00.003+08:00

Hei everyone.. do help to spread this around. We need more breaks from work & studies.. Hurry hurry!!!

http://www.zuji.com.sg/site/travel_deals/vote_holiday.html

Looking forward

2009-08-06T12:15:00.002+08:00

Low morale.. That's the only word I can describe for my work.. Lots of movement & inaccurate news on man-power movement & power struggles.. I'm stuck in a transition period of a company where everything to me, don't feels right & never in place.. The only assurance I have from my boss is just do whatever I'm doing now.. Wow! That's so "relieve".. *sigh* Nothing is definite nowadays.. & yes.. You can say that we must blend into the changing environment fast but I can tell you.. this is too sudden.. Everything slapped in your face so suddenly & all you can do is being the "receiver".. Just a year & a little more, I already got hit by one of the "big wind big wave" happening in this company.. Not bad for a start.. =x
About my own life.. Its a big messed up right now.. Not enough time for everything.. most of my time is occupied with work.. Really need to put aside my work & spend more time with my friends & close ones.. But.. When?? That's a tough & cruel question for myself.. I need a life! Damn.. How much had I lost then gained? I lose to my time management? Maybe I guess..
People told me to move on by job hopping but in this current recession, I think it is not possible at all.. Just have to tell myself to drive myself harder to climb higher.. The determination is there but the spirit is long dead.. So.. What can I do now to reach a greater height or just slam myself deeper into my stumbling self? It's not personal anymore as my decision will affect the people around me.. Pure selfishness or ego? A first step out is inevitable.. Sooner or later? Only I know..

Better than fatal frame & resident evil

2009-06-12T15:51:00.005+08:00

Try playing this with headphones on.. U'll feel the difference.. Muahahahahaha..

http://www.hotel626.com/

The After effect of installation

2009-06-12T15:26:00.004+08:00

New updates!!! Please take note of the below. Replies in alphabet.

Question: Today I weight my ASUS EEE 1002HA and found out to be 1.26KG!! Anybody weight it before?

A: 1.2kg is the weight without any OS and software installed. After installing Windows and the rest, surely the weight will increase a bit one. If you want it to be lighter, then should install more lightweight Linux distro. I think Linux is on average 60g lighter than Windows, so bringing the weight down to 1.2kg again is possible

B: Your Rubbish Bin full la, u empty liaox, should become lighter

C: Dude, it is unusual, it should be exactly 1.2kg! If you confirm you didn't install too much software or download too many porno films, you should disassemble the notebook, there could be a dead cockroach or bug something inside, that may introduce the extra 60g...

Selegie Soya Bean

2009-04-17T18:21:00.002+08:00

Woah.. I saw a new shop across my place last night & it shows Selegie Soya Bean.. Yeah!! Next time no need to travel so far for catch up sessions already.. Heex.. I was talking about it with my mum the other day about craving for soya bean drinks & related at night & she told me I could only get it in the morning the next day.. I told her I know as it is just a craving.. Never did I expect the real thing to really pop-up.. Last night my mum just warned me that I will put on weight if i visit the shop too often.. kekekeke.. Have not went over to take a look yet so maybe tomorrow evening will have a look on what else they have.. No sign of any promotion or advertisement about the shop yet.. will be looking forward for them.. =P
*sigh* recently really busy with work & I'm usually home after 11pm or so.. tiring but what to do.. my real nightmare is coming soon as one of my colleague is going for labour in June so I got alot to do.. hope I can handle the coming stress as current stress level is not low either.. haix.. physically still can take it but mentally drained & dried.. need a long break soon as I still did not have a good rest ever since after my reservist the other time.. sickening!!!!
Have not meet up with my group of friends recently & wondering how they were doing.. hope everything is fine for them too.. I'm really afraid that I cannot juggle between my life as work had already taken up most of my time.. 13-14hours at work excluding lunch breaks.. damn.. I never thought that I'm that "durable"..

Slimming Promotion

2009-04-16T17:48:00.003+08:00

Hi everyone.. got a lobang for all ladies out there.. do recommend to your lady friends.. =)

ICT Part 2

2009-02-27T19:29:00.002+08:00

Finally washed up all my stuff from my ICT & can sit down & type le.. missed my computer so much.. kekekeke.. *sigh* next year again 2weeks will need to be wasted.. see my work piled up really make me sick of this.. But the time spent with all the new friends I made really made the time shorten & easily passed by.. Its also kind of sad as to bid goodbye to them but the most important thing is everyone did agreed on getting away from work.. just like having holiday but a tougher version because need to "chiong sua".. so.. now gotta wait for all the washings to dry before I start to pack them back into the "cold palace".. all I wanna do now is to rest my tiring, weary & arching body..

ICT Part 1

2009-02-21T15:21:00.003+08:00

Finally back after a week locked inside the camp.. Lots of shit jobs but its fun talking to my section guys & of course the new friends I made.. It really feels like going to BMT although I did not complete the whole bloody process.. To be frank, I rather had not attended this at all because it is wasting everyone's time!! everybody said so too.. wasting our money also.. indent food that is expensive & sucks big time.. we are also the tax payer lor.. *pui..* envy those who no need to serve their cycle.. I really wonder if it is useful at all lor.. who would want to attack a country that is useless?? its just a small dot on the map.. sometimes u can only find a wording but u can't see the dot at all.. *sigh* still the same word.. wasting time!!

V'day trouble??

2009-02-11T11:05:00.001+08:00

Don't know what to give on V'day?? Try this site!! http://www.huppibloom.com

I'm Back!!!

2009-01-29T14:19:00.008+08:00

Before the main.. like to wish everyone a Very Happy & Prosperous Chinese Year!~ May this year be a smooth one.. Stay healthy & all the best in all things you do!

After months hiding myself in my shell to hide from reality, I'm finally slowly picking myself up little by little BUT I still hate crowds.. I'll get agitated or irritated.. I dunno why also.. *sigh* Will try to walk inside crowds more to get used to it.. Another thing on my mind is the f***ing ICT is coming.. Really spoil my mood everyday.. waste my time!! During active time already can't do anything.. Now call us back as if something will happen.. Ask them go eat S***!!! Everyday heard over the radio "What would you ......" & lots of crappy advertisements to get people to join the forces.. All I can say is that nobody is willing to sign on de la.. They are just wasting our money for those lame stuff!!!
Guessed you all did not missed much out as nothing much happen.. Just work load increased.. Less time to spend for myself.. Quite tiring.. When pay will increase? Everything so expensive nowadays.. Sianx ar.. This year not that good so better tighten my wallet alittle.. Like the saying goes: Tough time don't last but tough people do. (But we get sick too!! =P)

A sadden heart

2008-10-07T13:45:00.004+08:00

Today marks the 1st week death anniversary of my grandmother's.. Last week of today she passed on peacefully.. alot of things happened at the wake too.. it'll be a long story to tell but to those whom attended would have known.. though we can't see her again but she'll live in our heart & memories..

* in loving memories - Ah ma *

From this funeral, this thought me something again.. spend more time with your family members now before you regret.. time really waits for no one.. when its time to go.. you can't prevent it.. the only thing we can do now is to spend more time with our ah kong now.. the way he bid his wife goodbye made my heart shattered.. they had spend most of their life time together & suddenly, his mate just go onto another journey without him.. my tears kept running as i witnessed that.. no words could be said to comfort him..
Life still goes on.. as you'r reading this blog.. i'm in office.. making use of my spare time during my lunch break to do this if not i dun even know when i can update again.. *sigh*
On the side note.. MOS is closed down!!! i guess most of us if not all of us know the reason right?? ahahahaha.. it happened to all clubs when its always packed with them.. dunno why but it happened without failed.. look at 'China Black' & 'Devils Bar'.. they shared the same fate as any other clubs.. sad to say so but its about time those owners do something about the crowds.. the 'do's' & 'dun's' to attract.. well.. too bad i would say..

Stupidity!!!

2008-08-31T20:46:00.003+08:00

Finally can sit down down quietly & update le.. its being quite some time.. still busy at work as usual & trying to pick as much as i could.. tired, tired & more tiring days ahead is all i could say.. got so tired & restless of things around me so easily.. some times i'm even lazy to drag myself home.. why are we working so hard when our boss don't even appreciate.. when problems arise, they only know how to point their fingers at you..
the thought of going reservist (army) spoiled my day & thought what can i do when i did not complete anything during my NS time.. What is BMT?? What is IPPT?? What is range?? All this i did not attend at all.. its so lame lor.. No wonder everyone said army is wasting our time, money & resources.. cock up every single time!!! every time!!! if got excuse must fork out our own money.. waste money.. if they dun like, they'll ask u back again.. waste time.. then they play with u.. ask u back every now & then.. waste resources.. no wonder so many locals wanna get out of sg.. the government still don't get it.. sad thing to know.. but this is only part of the many reasons.. anyway.. its already too late when they just realised the problems..
Recently heard something very funny.. Its about a brainless idiot whom stole someone's stuff & wanna sue that person when evidences are in the hp.. How could someone be so stupid & lame?? got caught red handed but still wanna fight back?? no hope at all lor.. best part is that thief threaten that person it wanna get the hp back.. it will be so sorry if it got counter sued.. double charged some more lor.. if it apologised, i think that person might just consider letting it off but too bad.. it made the wrong move.. haix.. i really despise it for it's stupidity.. i would say let it prepare it's butt for jail or being slap by a heavy fine if it could afford.. Stupid moron!!! muahahaha.. *I use "it" bcoz it's more stupid than a pig!! get what i mean??*

Forcast??

2008-07-25T22:53:00.002+08:00

If anyone can invent something where u know when u gonna get sick or etc.. pls do so now!! 'coz i can't predict when my cough get worsen & the best part was its within mins.. i tried to rest alittle at home before i went out but the cough was quite bad & so came my super last min sms to inform others tat i'm not able to make it.. wat i got?? i got screwed in the air which i predicted.. yeah!! get it.. i know i deserved tat.. if tat ticket or money wasted weight more than me.. i guess i juz need to f*** off frm u all.. i rather waste the money than to cough throughout the whole show not enjoying & disturbing others.. definitely i'm at fault but pls understand wat ppl are going thru.. illness is not sumthg we can predict of..

Some cooling off in my busy time..

2008-07-23T16:06:00.004+08:00

wow.. before i noticed, its already a month plus i last updated my blog.. the best thing is i'm in office now writing this post.. surprised?? well.. everybody is out of office & my boss is in a meeting currently.. so now taking the chance to eat "snake".. heex.. =P
started my life now as a engineer & really learnt alot here.. colleagues are friendly & willing to teach.. earning big bucks here?? nope.. its juz that i enjoyed the work & pace here.. slowly making me forget where i was before.. (not the friends made but the work!!) this two months was quite happening.. 1st had a wedding celebration in JB ended in being postphoned.. then came my 1st D&D with my current company.. then came kang's biggest day of his life, his wedding.. congrats to him for settling down & preparing to be a daddy soon!! more to come as another friend is getting married & 2 other friends are celebrating their child's 1st birthday.. wah!! I dun really wanna say this but i think i'm getting old le.. one after another i see friends settling down.. made me worried as i juz started my career & still a long way to push ahead.. with a little savings & so much wanted stuff to do.. when will that day come?? *sigh*
hmmm.. i really find a ger with attraction whom she had already made 3 of my closed friends fall victim for her.. she's average (defers from people to people) but she got a x-factor thingy that attracts.. i dunno what were those but i'm definitely not the one to find out.. i agreed that she carried the confident & outspoken self although i only spoke to her once oni.. for one of them, i even started to ignore her & keeping my distance.. being noble?? nah.. its juz that i felt my world dun fit into anyone's.. might as well restrict myself & i'm nv gd at communicating either.. lack of confident again?? i guess so.. tend to be rather low morale with things around me.. dun ask me as i got no answer too.. this is what they called life??

A new start from a past..

2008-06-11T00:30:00.002+08:00

today thought through very hard & to finally put my signature on.. i'll be joining a company where I enjoyed my stay the most but this time is alittle different enviornment.. will be stationed in Tai Seng than in Expo.. guess i'll miss one the biggest show in Expo this year after going through it for 3 straight years.. all the best for the show.. hope problems this time round will be lesser if not none.. heex..
the news came around 8+ in the morning as i'm still in my lala land.. after receiving the news.. i sat in front of my computer & stare into blanks.. not knowing if I'm gonna take up the job.. something in my mind kept holding to a better offer with a higher pay.. then again.. its a comfort zone where most of the ex-colleagues, or should i say colleagues-to-be-again, are there.. although i'm looking forward to more like sales & marketing or support of both types of job.. excited & confused at the same time.. i sigh through the whole noon before i finally pick up my hp & called them to accept their offer.. upon reaching.. do felt alittle cheated as they changed my title from associate engineer to operations executive.. still.. its a c level job where i can't decline.. will be with the network fixed field & systems business unit.. i'll be in time for the aws but will miss on the performance bonus as i need to be with them for a year before i'm eligible for it.. *sigh* not tto bad.. its still a good training ground to climb my way up.. its not my "ideal" job but the interest level on the job is still quite high on my part.. i'm ready to push all the way.. wanted to start next monday but seem like they'r kinda short-handed due to a big show which i mentioned earlier.. so i requested to start on thursday instead.. gotta go for medical check-up again.. haix.. kinda lazy & stupid but its a procedure.. i think i'll be getting a new line as i'm entitled to staff price.. kekekeke..
a new chapter will be starting & i'll be on a long journey again.. a blurred but challenging road awakes me beyond that long lonely tunnel.. hope to see a brighter light shore as i know from there.. i had finally reached my destination.. & from there again.. another chapter will be unfold..

Moved on..

2008-05-06T23:17:00.002+08:00

Offically jobless on 1st May as I quit my current job.. felt happy but at the same time lost as I did not anticipate the rice crisis & finding a job now is made difficult.. Companies are cutting down on cost.. Its really bad as it seem.. yup.. do feel attached to the friends I made.. They helped me alot in life & on job.. without their lead & teachings.. well.. I guess I'm quite a lost sheep until now.. doing things blindly.. kekeke.. Mixed feelings.. Actually was quite down on the actual day when I left.. Never thought that walking out is more difficult than walking in.. It really need courage to quit a job & moved on.. I finally get what it meant now.. as we know.. nothing is forever & everlasting.. Whatever it is.. I made my choice & I should held my head high & take a big step forward.. Cheers to life.. ^-^
This few days has been actively hunting for jobs so for those online will find me alittle emo.. I guessed its the tiring rountine of job hunting.. kekekeke.. I guess everybody has gone through that stage so do bear with me until then..
Recently quite alot of ups & downs in my life but its really nice at the end of the day to grow with her.. Though we stumbled a few times but minor frictions in life is also a kind of spice?? Not too often as this will tired out either party.. Oh ya.. Iron man rockx!! All should catch the show.. Its the best MARVEL series so far on the big screen.. The 2nd best to me will be Transformer if not for Iron man arrival.. Heex.. =P
Today just received a very serious & bad news.. To all.. Pls do not answer the following numbers when u see it appeared on your hp.. It was reported that users answered & died.. Numerous cases happened across M'sia & Indonesia.. It's said the numbers are in red & the sets of numbers are: 1.) 0666 2.) 0866 3.) 9846554 Its safer than be sorry.. Be wary of them!! Pass this on to your friends..

All I can say..

2008-04-05T23:33:00.002+08:00

life is never easy.. what u wanted will not always turn out the way u expected.. that's why people always said that don't expect too much from life.. everyday.. we deal with disappointment, irritating narrow-minded people & etc in which later u judge that enough is enough.. i wished i could shout it in the face of whoever it is but its time wasting as they'll never buy what u said.. so what the hell should i care so much as the world do not revolved around them anyway.. just move on.. they are not worth in your life if u finally decided your life will be much better off without them.. so be it.. nobody gonna care how u felt or think anyway.. after so many years in life.. this is the first time that i felt being so badly insulted in my integrity.. decision is made & i got one less burden to bother about.. will enjoy my life to the fullness without concerning over with.. life's for me is always a plot of roses with some healthy scars..

Pathetic as it seem

2008-03-20T23:12:00.002+08:00

Its really sad to see people whom u do not know or maybe someone u know but pretending to be a stranger coming into your blog & talking shits about what u wrote or leaving comments without knowing what's going on.. see my title?? get it?? he/she needs a life!! being concern & acting concern can be seen at a glance.. who ever said i had problem with my gf?? u saw it?? u heard it?? what u heard or what u saw may not be true also until u'r there with them.. sadly.. whoever left the comment already exposed his identity the very moment he put those down.. *sigh* whatever it is.. a gentle reminder "oh".. reflect on your life.. its so full of lies!! hell with u!!

When u know it all

2008-03-09T21:11:00.002+08:00

Why do it when u know i hate it most?? & to do it knowing means u'r prepared for the outcome?? then why be sorry about it?? the betrayal of trust had made my heart broken/shattered & feeling sad & out.. we promised each other to be frank with either party but what happened to that promise?? that's not the worst.. the worst is i found out the fact myself from another person's mouth.. why?? even though it did not take place but the intention to lie/hide things from me is there already.. i know i shouldn't blame u for all but the truth had been uncovered myself.. why hint me when u already know the intention?? i'm so disappointed & sorry for myself for being so naive.. i have given u my soul & heart but what did i get in return?? i never ask for any returns from u but why gave me such a deep wound to bear?? its not your fault since u did it not letting me worried & made me wander in my thoughts.. where did all my effort goes?? all forgotten & thrown aside/away??

Lifted by unhappiness

2008-03-04T21:32:00.002+08:00

Sometimes.. things just get from bad to worse.. *sigh* Frustration has become part of my life.. Bad mood has become a must during work.. Under hands' means has become a brought up culture in office.. Finally.. My heart & soul has forsaken me.. Nope.. Not to what u'r thinking but its my attitude towards my work.. I'm very much wanting to get out of there as soon as I could.. The more I stayed.. The more I feel uncomfortable & sickening about the place.. To be frank.. I don't know what went wrong but I saw alot of back stabbings going on in the office.. Everybody is just out to make a simple living but "those" people are so petty & narrow minded.. How they behalf & think is totally on how they were educate & taught by their leaders or upper studies but it is still the individual that make it turn out this way.. Its a totally new experience cum eye opener.. Sadly to say.. This is the first ever worst working environment I ever came upon.. In short.. Its really f*** up!!!

2nd month anniversary

2008-02-20T20:59:00.002+08:00

Look how time flies.. its been 2 months.. happy 2 months anniversary dear~ ^-^ though we have not gone through any “serious” setbacks but I do hope you’ll be happy all the time being with me.. I may not be the best guy you met but I’ll try to be the best guy for you.. having you is my greatest gift.. I treasure all moments we spent together.. thanks for everything.. I love you!!~ yaya I know.. I said this too many times and you don’t find it special anymore.. whatever it is.. its sincere from my heart.. all I want from you is that simple.. just want you to love me wholeheartedly only.. heex.. =P
Recently still trying very very hard to commit myself at work.. I find no energy to do things.. can’t find any strength from within to push me on.. everything is so dull.. the only comfort I have is close friends I made during my time there.. I’m glad and grateful for all this but to be frank.. this is not the place I want to work in.. its just don’t suit me at all.. My mum told me to hang on until I can find a better job as she could tell that I’m not myself for some time.. I don’t want to worry also so will just say I’m fine.. hopefully this won’t for too long.. yaya.. the same old complain I have.. pay sux and etc.. do bear with me for this while k.. kekekeke..

Weighted feelings

2008-02-01T20:32:00.000+08:00

Hasn't been feeling happy recently. Maybe its due to work or stress? The only time I felt at ease is when I'm with her or friends. But this few days didn't meet her or friends so everything had been kept inside my heart. Sometimes I just dunno what to do. Just feel like getting away from work for a long while or is it that I'm running away from reality? *sigh* The last job I held I totally did not have this kind of feelings except for a break only but not escaping from it. Why things had become this way? I don't know either. I guess partly the pay is too little and that's why I felt this way. 27 this year & achieve nothing at all. A total failure. How pathetic can I go? If I continue to sulk this way, I guess I can never walk out of this mess. I don't wanna stress myself out until I go insane. My heart is weary from all factors that's gashing all at me. Its heavy & felt like its drowning, out of breath.

Lousy days ahead

2008-01-24T22:10:00.000+08:00

recently felt so drained & attitude towards my job is lousy.. i find that there's a very big problem with the system & i'm struggling to adapt & keep up with it.. the work is very repeatative & its getting boring.. nothing new could be learn there anymore.. guessed i should accept that bank offer the other time but too bad i wanna get a break from sales line for a little while.. i can't find any reason to motivate myself to work, not mentioning with that pathetic pay.. i also do think the experience i got there can't really make my resume look any nicer.. maybe with that "big" name only.. i'm trying all ways & means to make myself happy for work everyday.. *sigh*
things went smooth & well for both of us.. thanks to all whom are concerned.. must had worried all of u when i "m.i.a" for quite awhile.. was spending time with her & giving her as much support as i could due to her failure to get a permit.. i was very pissed with the result but there's nothing i could do.. maybe after my probation i gonna go down & bang their table..
how i wish i could find a job with better pay soon so that i could study for my degree real soon.. i'm turning 27 this year already.. omg.. i'm getting damn old la..

Without u: Part 2

2007-12-30T01:17:00.000+08:00

woah~ finally get to update my blog.. ok.. one thing at a time..
i'm officially a perm staff as of 17th dec.. so far nothing much as i'm doing things tat i had been doing for the past 2months before convertion except for more job scope.. kekeke.. i'm still quite new so will be expecting more to come.. so far really enjoyed my time working with the people there.. truely grateful to all whom had guild me along all this while.. i learned alot of them.. the sad thing is most of the temps will be returning or starting their school soon.. will surely missed the time spent with them.. all the best in studies!!
3days later.. the most important part of my life started.. she finally accepted me.. i'm officially attached on 20th dec!! heex.. the sad thing was she went back on x'mas that very day.. its heart wrecking but i'm contented enough to spend the time we had.. its short but filled.. this maybe a test for us as they say distance makes the hearts grow fonder.. its true as i'm definitely feeling the pinch already.. though its just for afew days after she left for home.. this has really thought me to treasure the time & moment we had & going to have.. for time waits for nobody.. how i wish that she could be by my side every day.. every moment.. every min.. alittle much to ask for i guessed.. *sigh* all i can do now is wait for her return or maybe making a short trip over to look for her.. gotta be more cautious as i'm worried that her mum would find out.. my heart is not with me le but i just gotta concentrate on things over here.. if not she'll not be happy also de.. frankly speaking.. i'm happy as things they are now.. its difficult to maintain long distance r/s but luv will definitely pull us closer & stronger de.. tis i believe.. i just wanna say tis.. i miss u dear dear!! i love u so much!! ^-^
congrats to my buddies, arul & allan.. arul came back s'pore & found a job.. allan finally bought a house of his own.. finally got a place of his own with his wife.. will be hoping to meet them up soon.. how soon i dunno oso 'coz i'm kinda bz..
last but not least.. happy b'day to kat.. join her for dinner at grapevine with harold & kenichi.. a nice place to chill.. after dinner.. no where to go & tired.. decided to have a game or two in the lan shop before we head for home..

Dedicated to all 4

2007-12-09T14:03:00.000+08:00

当世界不知不觉的变了, When the world unknownly changes
有时候我怀念以前的我, Sometimes I do doubt the past of me
作的梦虽然远远的, The dreams I had maybe out of reached
想像是一种快乐, But thinking can be a kind of happiness
拥有了同时也失去什麼 At the same time, I do felt I loss what I achieved

This is something I stumbled upon when i was doing some reading.. Sometimes in life we do felt frustrated over what we cannot achieved but at the same time felt that what we had achieved is drifting apart from us.. I do agree on this as I felt the same way before & currently feeling too.. Life is just too short.. Don't asked for too much from yourself as it will only lead u to nowhere.. be contented with what u have now.. I know most will not agree on what I said but I gone through quite alot in life so I can understand the needs & wants.. Nobody will be content over what he/she had right now & will push themselves harder to hit the goals.. Will u be happy doing so?? maybe monetary satisfactions wise but are u as a whole?? what will u get along the way??
As for me, one thing I'm afraid of all this while are "lost & lose".. Why this?? I'm afraid to lost my way in life and lose the ones I loved.. I had gone through both during my earlier stage in life & I never want to exprience them again.. All I can say is treasure all u have right now.. nothing is everlasting in this world as u'll not be around forever..

Building up on..

2007-12-04T20:24:00.000+08:00

finally got a resolution last night even though its a short while.. clarrified things with her & got to know all the details.. we promised to work things out together.. looking at & building on our future is much more impotant than anything else now.. my heart is still a little shaken over some issues but i guessed its best kept within me & not rake them up in front of her to make her unhappy or sad as i know the problems will keep on resurfacing if i kept raking them up.. rather than doing so, i want to treasure every moment with her, giving & leaving her the best memories she ever had.. as long as she's happy, i don't mind what would happen to me even the worst things would befall unto me.. recently a classmate just hopped back into r/s.. i didn't know until i was told.. congrats to her & the guy who won her heart.. he started later than me but looking at myself.. i'm never near to his achievement.. sadly but truely.. i'm nowhere near my goal.. am i that lousy? am i really that useless? where is the confident i once had when i set my mind on going after her? frankly.. i don't know how much i stand in her heart.. how close is close? will she miss me? will she think of me & so on.. guess i asked for too much.. *sigh*

Sleepless night

2007-12-02T09:34:00.001+08:00

didn't manage to sleep at all last night.. was troubled over something.. that question haunted me badly as my heart was shattered yet again..
u told me that u can't promise that u won't fall for another yet u asked me if i can wait for u for 5years.. to be frank.. i can but its u that can't promise me.. what can i do?? u said u don't wanna give me empty promises while i already gave u my heart.. after what u said last night.. my heart hurts badly.. i really questioned myself the whole night.. my mind is in a big mess again.. i'm so unsure of myself this time.. i really got nothing to say.. i got no answers anymore..

Never easy to be uneasy

2007-11-30T22:22:00.000+08:00

i shouldn't be there at all in the first place.. why find trouble for myself.. just thought of catching up with ex-classmates only but end up i got frustrated & pissed with their topics.. its non of my business anyway but why i take it to heart so badly? of course la.. i'm lousy & stupid in my studies & i feel damn inferior to their's.. isn't it obvious? the more they compare.. the more i find it frustrating, uneasy & uncomfortable.. to make matter worse.. i excused myself by going off.. i can't stand it anyway & do not wanna spoil the atmosphere.. i feel the blood boiling deep inside so suddenly.. i almost blew my head off.. i wondered what would happened if i stayed any longer.. i might just smash the table into two.. ha.. truely.. its nice to see everybody doing fine.. cheers to graduating officially..
today finally got the reply from ***** about me converting to perm but my heart sank damn low when i heard about the offer.. its crappy & shitty i guess because i can't find a better word to describe it.. haix.. benefits so-so.. bonus a month more than other compaines & its fixed.. basic is super low.. work load quite abit.. people are fun to work with.. environment is overall good.. i'm seriously considering but the offer was just too lousy.. i don't know if i wanna take.. progress maybe slow but at least there's room for improvement & "promotion" if performance is good.. colleagues told me to forget it but my heart told me to stay on.. i'm so confused.. follow my heart or listern to advice? *sigh*
suddenly feel that i'm not good enough for her till i can't make her to fall for me.. i know i got to take things slowly but i don't see any improvement between us.. i don't know how to bring the distance between us closer.. i just don't know how.. i'm so helpless.. i'm so useless.. i'm so stupid.. i'm so slow.. maybe i'm not the one she's looking for at all.. her aim is so high & far while i'm looking for a simple life.. i wanna know more about her but there always seem to be a wall in front of me, blocking my view.. or issit i'm not sensitive & attentive enough? or am i trying too hard?

Without u: Part 1

2007-11-25T02:35:00.000+08:00

its been 2 days.. erm.. considering the 3rd day since u left here to home.. everything looked normal.. i do my stuff as usual.. went for a game of badminton with friends.. went out with friends.. but something just seem missing.. i feel kinda empty.. i kept checking on my hp to see if u'll sms me but i know its not gonna happen for some time.. i can't concentrate well on things i do.. i made stupid mistakes.. nearly got run over by the bus when wanna get onto it.. before it arrived i actually step over onto the road.. i don't know what happened also.. so i dare not board onto it until the next bus came along.. haix.. what am i doing??
i shouldn't be like this at all.. its like my spirit is away from the empty shell.. i must be stronger.. i shouldn't take it as a set back with what u said but convert them to strength to prove my worth.. my mind just can't recover from that because the heart was shattered & shaken badly.. i won't put blames on anyone but myself.. i know i'm impatient.. i don't wanna put pressure or stress on u either but i don't know why i just can't control myself.. its never your fault to start with but mine.. moreover.. i would like to thank u instead.. i thought i would never recover from my nightmares but u made it possible to make me dare to open my heart again..

Sadness filled

2007-11-22T23:52:00.000+08:00

i think i never thought that things will turned out this way but i did anticipate the worst scenario.. she's being forced to go back tomorrow.. suddenly sadness filled me the moment she told me but i did tried to control my emotions.. i don't want her to worry about me either.. i gotta be alittle stronger.. her absent will very much see how i deal with my life without her.. it'll be a test for me bahx.. i'll definitely long to see her & unwilling to let go as i fall deeply in love with her.. though i know i could do nothing but i can only wait here for her.. i did told her how i felt & i did promised that she's the only one in my heart now.. she's the first i opened my heart to after 7years & i'm taking this seriously.. have faith in me.. nobody can replaced u after i set my sight on u.. i really regretted not telling her earlier but at least i did not regret telling her how i feel for her.. to be.. i'm happy enough if i'm accepted in her heart even though nothing is being told to me.. no answer yet.. no agreement yet.. will miss her badly for sure..

Fragile

2007-11-13T21:53:00.000+08:00

life is always short so treasure what u have in life.. why the sudden thought?? just happened to see one of the friendster's alert on friend's update on their blog so i thought why not since i so long didn't see her & maybe drop by to see how she is doing.. but i got a shock of my life.. a friend of her's whom i known passed away.. i sms her as soon as i saw it & got to know its by a very serious accident..
while sms-ing, she said i'm always busy.. suddenly i got hit again.. this remind me of a friend whom had been trying to ask me out but at that time i was busy with my projects & studies.. he is non other than Ben from my poly days.. i know i'm wrong & its my fault for keeping myself so packed all the time but i know how to prioritise between seriousness & fun too.. she's right about it.. i would like to apologise to all my friends whom i had neglected.. i don't mean it but i'm trying very hard to juggle my life also.. i may not contact u all so often but always remember that u all are always on my mind..
do drop me a sms if u see this.. ^-^

Happy

2007-11-11T00:59:00.000+08:00

只欠一句我爱你没胆亲口告诉你.. 只差一句你答应点头说你也愿意..
i'm always timid over many things but i finally got the reply i'm looking forward to.. i was over the moon that day.. i couldn't sleep the whole night.. even though i'm tired but my mind is super awake.. trust me.. that feeling is indescribable.. kekekeke.. i missed her so much even after we met few hours earlier.. it feels like the first time i fall in love.. again.. the feeling is indescribable.. just a word to contain how i feel everyday when i received her sms or see her.. HAPPY!~..

Far from it but still trying

2007-11-04T23:09:00.000+08:00

kinda got some assurance from her & i can finally put my mind at ease & go full throttle towards that direction.. i finally find my old self back so can see alot more differences in me.. will be emo still if not u all will missed my nice posts.. kekekeke.. will see a more confident side of me.. its being a long long time i took that out from deep within me.. guess it was "that" pushing factor that lead me to it.. i'm not sure how long i gotta wait still before she accept me but i'm kinda happy with things as it is now.. i know i'm slow & super simple-minded idiot who always messed things up at the most crucial point.. wanna express certain things but always tongue tied.. haix.. am i that shy or simply lost my sense of expressing?

Dedicated to all 3..

2007-11-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

The guy who love you, if he can't always see you,
he will try to make himself busy, for not to have
any time to remember you, because he knew, if he
did, he will keep on missing you until he could do
nothing.

The guy who love you, can't tell you the reason
why he love you. he only knew that, in his eyes,
you are the only one

The guy who love you, seldom praise you, but in
his heart, you are the best, only he know it,

The guy who love you, Only drop his tears infront of
you, when you try to wipe his tears, you are
touching his heart, the heart which beat for you.

The guy who love you, will remember every word u
said, even its accidentally. and he will use the word
always at the nick of time.

The guy who love you, will not give any promise
that easily, because they don't want to break the
promise, they want you to believe him and they
want to give you the happiest and safest life ever
after.

The guy who love you, always tell you not to think
too much, because they already plan it for you, he
want to give u the best life in the future, he want to
give you a surprise, believe him that he can do it.

The guy who love you, will listen quietly to you,
when you are mad, and when you finished, he will
said, you still got class tomorrow, sleep earlier with
smile.

The guy who love you, don't know that whether he
should call you when you are angry, but he will
sent a message to you after few hours, if you ask
him why he call that late, he will said, when you
are angry, my explanation are all rubbish. But
when you calm down, my explanation will only
really works.

The guy who love you, always call you little kid, but
everytime he want to make a big decision, he will
first want to hear your advice.

The guy who love you, don't like little toy like teddy
bear, but he will always put the bear you gift him at
his bed.

The guy who love you, while quarelling, he will
apologize uncontrollably, althought you are the one
who's wrong, and later, he will sent a message to
you with " baby, actually you know its your fault,
you know it urself "

The guy who love you, while really miss you, he
will want to buy a bunch of rose and wait you
stupidly under your apartment. but he never
knows , what he bought is daisy, but doesn't
matter, because in his heart, that's roses.

Late

2007-10-30T19:29:00.001+08:00

guess i'm old already.. i actually missed my station.. with only one stop away from my destination.. ended up at dover mrt & gotta rush to work by cab.. damn.. tomorrow must try to wake up earlier lor.. if not kana black mark ar..
i guess i don't hate myself but despise myself more.. i should have stood firmly just like what i did for the past 7years.. where has my determination gone to? or is it that i open up myself too much that i have weaken slowly over the years? shame on yourself.. just say u'r afraid of loneliness.. u need a partner by your side.. i really don't want to think about it anymore.. i'm so afraid of r/s.. i'm afraid of losing that someone i like.. i'm afraid of everything.. she got her direction to work towards to while i'm stuck at finding a job only.. why am i losing out to so many people.. i hate it.. if i had completed my diploma the other time.. i won't feel this way at all.. why must there be problem the other time that forces me to stop.. why all this!! i hate myself.. i don't blame anyone but i blame myself for it.. i want to give myself up.. drive myself crazy better & i can stay in "hougang charlet" all my life & not think of anything anymore.. life will be so much better like this.. being human is so difficult.. i won't end my life by suicide.. i don't even bother want to hurt myself.. die a slow & wonderful death is good.. how i wish for that..
but what i really wished for is to hold her hands & hug her tightly.. cherishing the every moments we spent together.. telling her how much i like her.. talking about the goals we going to achieve.. want to be with her for the good & bad times.. always there for her.. but i know all this is beyond my reach.. never near at all.. i felt i'm drifting further & further..

Drained

2007-10-29T21:09:00.000+08:00

recently feel so drained & vexed over certain things.. although i told myself not to think about it too much but i just can't help it.. that was why i always compliment on my stupid brain that is thinking over things at the "right" time.. *pui* i tried but it don't seem to work.. maybe karma has come to haunt me.. what i did last time all rushed towards me at one go without mercy..
physically i may seem alright but mentally.. my mind is just like a whirl pool.. its turning non-stop into the pit-less bottom of the sea bed.. i can be myself in front of anyone but once i'm alone.. i'm another me again.. the lost soul that's searching & looking for an answer in life.. not simply life but something more..
to be frank.. am i wrong in giving myself a chance to fall in l*** again? like people say.. the more u look forward to one.. the further it'll drift away from u.. i'm slowly beginning to understand & see a clearer picture.. yup.. i was wrong.. wrong for falling at the wrong time.. i'm just too lenient to myself.. giving myself so much hopes but end up falling badly.. time is not giving me chance to slow my pace.. the more i tried to match the pace.. the further i was thrown behind.. i'm so tired already.. how i wish i can just lay still & forget about this hopeless world.. i'm beginning to hate myself more & more.. i got no right to l*** anyone at all..
condemn me god.. take me away from this life.. i treasured whatever u gave me but end up getting hurt more each time u lift me up.. aren't u cruel to me? how much more u want to torture me? i'm just human.. i'm as delicate as china in anyone's hand.. u'r simply driving me to a corner where i don't even have a space to catch a breather or hide.. or is it just that u'r cutting me little by little.. enjoying the torture on me & see me rot slowly..
ashes to ashes.. dust to dust.. whatever it is.. i'm happy that i got to know all that got into my life.. be it those i dislike.. be it those i like before.. be it anyone.. as long as u crossed my path before.. i'm contented.. even if i just go or suddenly disappear one day.. don't bother to ask where i go 'coz the answer is simple.. i'm simply gone for good.. all of u are a worthy bunch in the deepest part of my heart but i'm not worthy even for a tiny little space in all your hearts.. save it for others who are more worth it.. u'll see life more worthwhile without me.. i'm just a spec of dust that needs to be removed before it spoils anything.. i come here with nothing & i shall go with nothing also.. not even a memory..

Dedicated to all 2...

2007-10-25T22:20:00.000+08:00

Do cherish the person who loves u and care for u, if u ever lose this person, maybe u r not able to find another again. The person who loves you...

will never give u a reason why he loves u. he only knows that u are in his eyes

will accept u whatever u are, in his eyes u are still the most beautiful even though u feel your body is over weight or obese

always want to know what are u doing for a whole day, he want to know what are your activities

will send u a sms such as, good morning, good night, happy sunday, even though u will not reply his messages

will remember every single moment that he has done with u, even though u have already forgotten for every detail of that moment, because that moment is the most precious to him

will remember every single word u said and maybe the word u also forgot ever said it

will give his things that u will think its usual for u but for him, that is the most precious

will silence for a while when he is talking with u by a phone, because that time he feel nervous because u are "shaking his world" now

always want to be beside u and near u, and he want to spend his days only with u

sometimes miss u and make something that annoy u or make u feel crazy, and when u say u are feel annoyed, he will apologize and promise will not do it again

if u avoid him or reject him, he will realise and disappear forever from your life, even though it kills his heart

Work work work..

2007-10-25T19:25:00.000+08:00

wah.. 1st 4days of work just passed like that.. damn tiring.. everyday gotta rush with people to get into the train.. gotta find place to sit for lunch.. now i know how it is to work in the CBD area.. see the people so stress i indirectly can feel it lor.. not much of a problem waking up so that's a relief.. kekekeke.. the troublesome part is smoking!! as i am working on the 20th floor, it'll be a killer if i do it often.. so currently.. i only smoke once after work when walking to the train station.. think should be able to quit quite soon le.. muahahaha.. even the simplest tasks i'm doing also seem so difficult & stiff.. but i'm picking quite fast because my mentor kept praising me.. kekekekeke.. kidding.. she's a nice lady.. not her only.. the department i'm working in is so lively lor.. everybody is nice there.. 1st day there they already made me feel like i'm a full-time staff there.. other than rushing for work & lunch, everything so far is great.. i don't mind the work load at all since i'm aid to do so even though its not justified.. but hor.. i got a problem.. i tend to knock out at times when i stare too much on the documents.. ahahahahaha..
recently.. my friend is facing a problem.. his target used someone's else relationship to take it as a stepping stone to their's and both have kinda feelings for each other.. upon hearing, i do find some familiarity to his problem.. i'm in no position to say him but i think & feel its quite unfair to him.. other people's relationship problems got nothing to do with what 2 person are currently going through.. everybody relationship paths are different.. if everybody is going through the same thing.. i think i would seen my parents divorce long ago lor.. think again.. i know his target's fear is not to get hurt but its no way or excuse to reject.. its immature of her.. we're human.. its meant to be complicated & never able to be understood.. there are diseases still with no cure so do u think human can be so easily read?? i think sometimes we do over-rated ourselves & our abilities to handle things.. i told him to give up since its this way & no point trying so hard to change her mind since her mind is set.. just move on lor since life is so short only.. u want a perfect relationship in this world that has a fairy tale ending?? i would say its never possible.. u envy couples when they're so lovey dovey but did u see the other side of their's sour bust up & etc..?? since it takes 2hands to clap.. i think by letting the person go is the best solution as 1person can't do anything to a relationship.. since each of them have different paths & views.. parting ways is the least cruel way of farewells.. suddenly.. something hit me hard.. i think the answer i gave him slapped me real hard..

Super down on luck

2007-10-20T19:27:00.000+08:00

haix.. must really say nowadays the viruses are getting better sia.. i kana malware from an unknown source.. the best part is i can't reject or stop the activeX installation.. power!!! spend almost the whole noon reformat the computer.. finally back to normal oreadi.. really hate to reformat as i need to look for the drivers & programs all over again.. sianx..

Thanks for the concern..

2007-10-19T02:38:00.000+08:00

guess i made everybody worried about me on my last post.. i'm alright already.. sorry.. i was doing some deep soul searching last night.. the night was quiet & i can't get to sleep so i just lay on the bed looking at the ceiling & think over.. its was a good "wash" of my mind as i sorted out alot of thoughts.. one thing i should give credit to is our brain.. they work wonders.. why? because those things we want to remember they tend to forget & memories to be remembered were blurred.. things unnecessary to think they will go into deep thoughts.. *sigh* but i'm glad that i woke up today very fresh & worries-free, just that i'm impatient over my job hunt..
just today late evening.. i finally got a call from the agent in-charge of aviva temp job.. i was over the moon when i got the news but the pay was like.. erm.. but its alright.. i want to learn new things also from different environment.. so.. i'll be working with kenichi & reina.. don't know if we'll be in the same department but at least we can work together for once.. hope they can get used to my working style.. *crossed my fingers first* sunday got to be more hardworking & take out all the working clothings to iron.. its been a long time i took them out.. ahahahaha..
last but not least.. went out with kat for some beer.. chat over our problems but end up all our problems are nothing of importance but we just lost track on.. ahahahaha.. how stupid of us.. after beer, we went for dota session.. heex.. the AI too good sia.. i kana "first blood".. idiot.. they gang us lor.. after dota went to find harold & it was beer session again.. yeah~~ finally got myself alittle high over beer.. its was so long i last experienced it.. muahahahaha.. then was supper & home.. another day passed like that.. i would say thanks for another simple day..

Lost: Season 6 ???

2007-10-18T01:55:00.000+08:00

recently feel so lost with job hunting & in sum other things.. there's too many uncertainty over my future.. i'm glad & happy over the encouragement from friends but the mental blockage in my mind & the matter at heart cannot be untie.. i cannot give myself assurance anymore.. am i asking for too much from myself? am i aiming too high? am i soaring too far from reality? am i too optimistic or pessimistic? am i giving myself too much pressure? everything in front of me suddenly become so blurriness when the light ahead is so dim.. i guess i'm too impatient in both problems i'm facing.. i just don't want to disappoint my family who has been pinning high hopes on me.. i can feel the burden unknowingly.. they did encourage me to further my studies but i think i want to build my career as now, for my age, i need to prove something in life already.. i'm no longer young as seen.. ning was right about my fickle-minded mentality.. i just cannot decide what i want.. i really need a morale boasting push.. i need to focus on my mind set.. i really need to sit down and think over my life.. i had missed out alot in life already and don't wish to lag behind again.. i want to enjoy life as much as possible.. make it as colorful as ever.. sound as beautiful as can be.. i want to achieve in life.. i don't want to disappoint anyone around me again.. i know i can do it but just too timid to move on.. i'm too careful with my path i'm stepping but at the same time making the same mistake? opportunities are everywhere but which is the correct one? nobody says its easy on what u sow and results are never guaranteed all the while.. am i simply digging my own grave? thinking life is that easy only.. i'm sure i'm very wrong on this step.. i need to step back to look at things from different angels.. if i just lay still and see again.. the world will be better or worse?

Why think it this way?

2007-10-14T12:35:00.000+08:00

I know everyone gotta die someday but why think until that part so soon? there's so so much things to do in life to even think about it.. nobody can escape death anyway & it'll depend on how u die only.. i must agree that i did think of it before & it really scare me off with the thoughts.. thinking is there after life after death or where will i go after i die & etc... to me.. i'm not really bothered if people remember me after i go 'cause sooner or later they'll leave me in the memories.. life gotta move on even if i'm gone.. i rather they smile & laugh for me when i die then to "see" them cry for me if anyone will.. i'll feel much much better that way if i could tell them.. u may think that i'm not facing the reality but actually i don't think its necessary to think about it.. do whatever u wan now & enjoy life the way u wan.. even life sucks & i must fully agree on but make the fullest use of life & work towards that goal o f yours.. remember u got only 1 life now & once its over.. its over.. no rewinding.. no cheat codes for infinite life.. life is gone easily but to live is more difficult then u think.. u gotta be stronger than death.. i see life lost in front of me before & one of them is sum1 i like before.. the heart wrecking scene is hard to accept.. life is unpredictable & as y i dun wanna think about it? 'cause i'm so close to death before & managed to survive & that's the reason.. i treasure life so much.. i treasure people around me.. i treasure everything i have now.. if one day u ever come so close to death.. do tell me how it feels.. i can tell & assure u that the urge of u wanting to live is so strong & no second thoughts of it will resurface..

Do you?

2007-10-12T13:23:00.000+08:00

在你心中有这样的一个人吗？

你们可能相爱过，你们也可能喜欢着彼此，
但是，为了什么原因你们没能在一起？
也许他为了朋友之间的义气，不能追你。
也许为了顾及家人的意见，你们没有在一起。

也许为了出国深造，他没有要你等他。
也许你们相遇太早，还不懂得珍惜对方。
也许你们相遇太晚，你们身边已经有了另一个人。
也许你回头太迟，对方已不再等待。
也许你们彼此在捉摸对方的心，而迟迟无法跨出界线。

不过即使你们没在一起，你们还是保持了朋友的关系。但是你们心底清楚，对这个人，你比朋友还多了一份关心。即使不能跟他名正言顺的牵着手逛街，你们还是可以做无所不谈的朋友。他有喜欢的人，你口头上会帮他追，心里却不是很清楚你是不是真的希望他追到。

他遇到困难时，你会尽你所能的帮他，不会计较谁又欠了谁。男女朋友吃醋了，你会安抚他们说你和他只是朋友，但你心中会有那么一丝的不确定。每个人这辈子，心中都有过这幺一个特别的朋友，很矛盾的行为。一开始你不甘心只做朋友的，但久了，突然发现这样最好。

你宁愿这样关心他，总好过你们在一起而有天会分手。
你宁愿做他的朋友，彼此不会吃醋，才可以真的无所不谈。
特别是这样，你还是知道，他永远会关心你的。做不成男女朋友，当他那个特别的朋友，有什么不好呢？你心中的这个特别的朋友...? 是谁呢？

很多的感情，都因为一厢情愿，最后连朋友都当不成了，常常觉得惋惜，可惜一些本来很好的友情，最后却因为对方的一句喜欢你，如果你没有反应，这一段友情似乎也难以维持下去，这也难怪有些人会因此不肯踏出这一步。

因为这就像是一场赌注，表白了之后不是成了男女朋友，要不就连朋友都当不成了。有些事不是你能预料的，或许对方不在意，你们还可以是朋友，但却已经不如从前的好。也是可惜，也是遗憾！但还有没有可能是另一种情况，你可能永远都不甘心只是朋友. . .

Soon-to-be discouraged worker

2007-10-11T00:10:00.000+08:00

woah.. today juz cut my hair.. quite satisfied with the new style.. kekekeke.. i feel so light today... ahahahahaha.. thx to kat who brought me dere & harold for introducing the hairdresser.. =)
for the past few weeks.. did nth except doing PRs around.. trying all ways & means to pull string to get into jobs i wan.. not ez.. i finally understand the pain & hardship of entertaining ppl.. dere's a few times when i omost got myself drunk.. damn.. lucky i was strong enuff to pull off.. went for a number of interviews from agencies to check out the "worth" of me now.. not bad as i can get at least a 1.8k wif my exp.. gotta be on the ball liaox.. will write dwn all the interested jobs early in the morn.. wish me luck to get them..
thkin of wkin p/t for the time being as i feel like traveling early nxt year.. wanna haf a short break overseas 1st to completely rest my mind & soul.. i really need that push.. see how bahx.. take thgs as it comes.. can't rush oso..

Courtship

2007-10-04T23:46:00.000+08:00

Anyone noe abt tis word? yeah!! it means u'r going after sum1 or vice visa.. kekekeke.. the most tiring part of the process into a real relationship.. its either u did it by getting tat sum1 or all ya effort all gone down the drain depending on how u go after tat sum1..
at this stage.. most probably u need patience & courage the most.. for the "chasing" ones of coz need patience & for the "accepting" ones they need courage to accept.. its nv ez on how we see it as there's no definite explanation to it.. u can almost see all types of craps found in the net.. everybody got their own thinkings.. as i am saying abt them.. i do haf my own tots too lor.. *stupid* kekekeke..
i noe nobody wanna get hurt in a r/s but its not possible to haf a smooth one unless both parties are so extremely alike in tots.. can it happen?? mb yes but i haf nv nv seem one yet.. mb at the initial part of the r/s is "honey moon" period but as time goes by.. things may not be as smooth as it is.. i too am afraid of being hurt as most of u oreadi noe abt my past r/s.. yup.. i'm looking forward le.. am not gonna look back as i need to walk out of the shadow le.. wish me luck..

Busy..

2007-10-04T01:47:00.000+08:00

2 days back to yunkee's farewell "party".. its pretty sad to see friends going back one by one.. haix.. the feeling is not good as everybody was & is so closed to each.. 1st was buddy van.. then was kim to serve his NS in korea.. then now my honey.. haix.. i really really hate goodbyes.. not bad as i controlled my emotions quite well tat day.. kekekeke.. broke my own record as to see sum1 off which i promised myself not to.. i guess its not as bad as it is but never a nice feeling as i'm still feeling quite down after all tis events.. hate myself for being so emo.. damn..
was busy also doing PR to pull strings to get jobs.. look like my reserve is damn low now.. gotta find a job soon.. arh.. now i noe y doing networking is so difficult le.. not bad la as i learned quite abit frm dere.. no wonder people alwayz said tat we'r learning everyday.. gotta agree on tat finally.. hope it'll paid off soon.. =) fri meeting sum1 for 1 more.. kekekeke..
got a bad news frm a fren who tot a pri sch as a IT trainer.. juz his luck for getting caught for doing sumthg rite but at the wrong time & place.. hopefully everythg will be fine after tis..

Outing with daughter

2007-09-30T13:46:00.000+08:00

yestd went to marina south to have dinner with my baby ger daughter.. along were kenichi, felix, harianto & 2 of my daughter's frenz.. the "husband & wife" were so happy when they saw each other.. muahahaha.. i dunno if ken was angry onot but we try to say less of it.. worried tat he might.. but luckily.. he did joke it off.. kekekeke.. aft eating.. did nth & planned to catch a movie.. since dunno wat was on, we went to cineleisure.. as ken got dragon boat training today.. i dropped him off at the bus stop sumwhere near cine to let him go hm.. at cine, we looked at the time slots' big screen for sum time before buying the tickets for 'balls of fury'.. quite funny but its not as stupid as 'american pie' or 'scary movie'.. heng ar.. kekekeke.. aft movie was bck hm as everybody were tired oreadi..

Battle cry..

2007-09-28T12:27:00.000+08:00

juz checked my result & i feel like doing sumthg.. the urge is very strong.. i wanna go to the sea-side & shout out my achievement.. i finally can proudly said that i fulfilled my wish of getting a dip.. tho the cert is not as gd as the poly ones but i still get it le.. many thanks to all whom stood by me all this while when i din clear my macro.. no amount of gratitude can express my feelings now except a simple "Thank You".. the support u all gave did really made me push harder.. finally.. everything ends today as i would be intensively looking for jobs.. last but not least.. I MADE IT!!! its been a long 15months..

Guessed I was too free..

2007-09-27T20:37:00.000+08:00

after 2 rounds of interviews, i was home drenched because it was raining heavily.. damn.. actually wanna go cycling but can't but also luckily it was raining also.. kekekeke.. *phew* the calls came quite late also.. so i was rushing to both.. tired..
aft bathing.. i did nth.. suddenly my mind recalled many things.. many images i felt that i seen before but so unfamiliar & alien at the same time.. were those the "lost" memories i'm searching & seeking for? i saw many people but i can't recall who are they.. the more i think, the more the brain feel as if its gonna explode.. & so.. i let go of the recalling.. *sigh* at the very moment i stopped, her face appeared.. its been 7years that i last able to remember the details of her so clearly.. her eyes.. her nose.. her lips.. her hands.. her voice.. its like a video recorder out of order.. the images of her just flashes across non-stop.. i was so stunned by the event & not knowing what to do, i bang real hard on the wall, hoping to stop it & luckily, after a few bangs it stopped.. i think i was too free already that's why all this came haunting me.. i was strong enough not to shed a single tear.. guess i was ready to "forget" her.. not sure but hope the next time if i think of her again, i won't tear.. not cold-blooded but i need to step out of the shadow already.. i got haunted long enough..

Grazed around

2007-09-27T01:29:00.000+08:00

did nothing much this few days.. went out & "dating" most of the time.. kekekeke.. today went out with peiqi to get present for a classmate who is returning to serve his NS.. felt quite useless as i didn't really help much.. after buying went to have some ice-cream.. then was farewell & i head off to visit my granny.. chat with her awhile as she was tired & she went off to sleep.. so i made my move to find kat as i was around the area.. haix.. met up awhile & i was down with stomach pain.. damn.. waited 10mins for the cubicle to clear.. damn.. i was breaking into cold sweat lor.. cheh.. dun ever wan tat kinda feeling again.. arh!! after i came out saw ning with her.. kekekeke.. so embarrassed to make them wait but its not my fault really.. so head to hawker to have dinner & after tat to kat's place.. harold came & we chit chat until its time to go off..
haix.. i still dun haf the courage to say it.. when will i be able to do it? am i too concerned about rejection? i hate tat kinda feeling & i noe nobody like it either but wat to do.. its the only way to noe if she likes u onot.. *sigh*

就是爱你 (Just love u)

2007-09-23T11:51:00.000+08:00

To My Friends Who Are............ATTACHED

Being together is always easy but maintaining the relationship is never one. Trust each other more as jealousy will eventually lead to harvest-less garden. If the love is never meant for each other, let it go. There’s always someone for you in this boundless space.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

我终于还是说了一句我爱你 (I finally said the word "I Love U")
还记得那个微凉夜里天空正飘着小雨 (Still remembering that rainy night)

心跳的声音像舞动奇迹 (My heart beats like a dance)
你看着我说千万不要爱上你 (U looked at me & told me not to fall for u)
因为你只会让我伤心别傻了快点喊停 (Because u'll only make me sad, don't be a fool & stop)
你那么冷静忽远又忽近 (u'r so quiet.. sumtimes far, sumtimes near)

我知道你对我来说也许太年轻 (I know u'r too young for me)
我想我猜我问我终于了解 (I thought, i guessed, i asked & finally understand)

原来为爱流的眼泪也是种甜蜜滋味 ('cause the tears sheered for love can be so sweet)
只想爱你当我和你走在一起就已经决定 (I decided to only love u when i walked with u)

不看不听不问也不会放弃 (Ain't lookin, ain't listernin, ain't askin & not giving up)
是你让我了解自己可以为爱那么坚定 (u let me noe tat i can love so firmly)

只想爱你好想每天睁开眼睛就能看到你 (juz wana luv u like openein my eyes everyday)
我知道我偶尔有一点任性 (I noe sumtimes i'm stubborn)

不管你做任何决定究竟爱我还是逃避 (no matter wat decisions u made, i still hide frm luv)
sorry 我还是不会放弃爱你 (对不起. I still wun give up on luvin u)

sorry 我还是不会放弃 (对不起. I still wun give up)
我还是不会放弃爱你 (I still will not give up on luvin u)

Dedicated to all......

2007-09-20T05:18:00.000+08:00

To My Friends Who Are...........SINGLE
Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you.
But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it.
Love can make you happy but often it hurts,
but love's only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it.
So take your time and choose the best.

To My Friends Who Are............NOT SO SINGLE
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's 'perfect person.
It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.

To My Friends Who Are............PLAYBOY/GIRL TYPE
Never say 'I love you' if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. Never look in the eye when all you do is lie. The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways...

To My Friends Who Are............MARRIED
Love is not about 'it's your fault', but 'I'm sorry.' Not 'where are you', but 'I'm right here.' Not 'how could you', but 'I understand.' Not 'I wish you were', but 'I'm thankful you are.

To My Friends Who Are............ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.

To My Friends Who Are............HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.

To My Friends Who Are............NAIVE
How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain.

To My Friends Who Are............POSSESSIVE
It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.

To My Friends Who Are............AFRAID TO CONFESS
Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.

To My Friends Who Are............STILL HOLDING ON
A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now he's not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Let go.....

TO ALL MY FRIENDS.......
My wish for you is a man/women whose love is honest, strong, mature, never-changing, uplifting, protective, encouraging, rewarding and unselfish.

Expressing problem?

2007-09-20T05:02:00.000+08:00

guess i really need to go for some english upgrading course.. i'm mistaken over what i wrote again.. irritated.. whatever la.. its not the first time i got shot over something i did not intend it to be.. misrepresented the message? guess i care too much on explaining myself to clear the air just now.. i should just accept the blame & jolly get over with it.. well.. already happened.. just leave it as it is bahx.. any continual of the conversation will lead to worse response..

Hoping for a pass only.. Is it too much?

2007-09-20T00:04:00.000+08:00

haix.. the paper today looks easy but i find it quite tricky & challenging wor.. damn.. i really can't assure of a pass le.. got the concepts but why alwayz got a mental blockage when coming to the main thing.. sianx.. saw quite alot of familiar faces in the exam hall.. some of them i don't expect to fail was there too.. quite shocked.. felt that i had let my mentor down.. wasted so much of her time & effort.. seem like i let down to those who have the fate in me.. sorry to disappoint u all.. i'm disappointed in myself too.. what done cannot be undone.. i had tried my best le.. *sigh*

Just laze around..

2007-09-17T06:59:00.000+08:00

wah.. damn tired now.. just reached home from studying.. jialet ar.. still can't get much things into my brain yet.. most of the concept i got them correct le.. think just see how the paper goes le.. haix.. was with ning & kat at my place's mac.. really hope the stupid paper will be much easier lor.. sianx.. hope for a pass will do.. i guess i stress out by pressurising myself too much.. although still can't get over how i failed but i'll take it as a simple set-back to build myself stronger to prepare for worse set-backs.. i'm grateful that so many shown their concern.. i won't forget the things u all said de.. *touched* i will fight-toh!!~~ woosh!!!!
btw.. the previous post is not talking about anyone.. so don't be mistaken if anything similar took place or happened to someone.. its a way i vent my anger only.. vent at nobody so created a "enemy" for me to vent at.. my apology..

Super bad mood

2007-09-13T19:28:00.000+08:00

Fucking just leave everybody alone idiot.. dun keep going ard & asked how everybody did.. i noe u passed but it irritates people.. not only me.. reality is cruel.. so be it.. u'r being dislike!!! get it?? yeah.. big fuck.. i fail my macro.. like it or not.. yeah.. i failed.. its a blow to me as its my 1st sub paper i ever took in SIM.. u wan a piece of me?? come get me.. fuck!!! maybe its him/her tat made me blow.. ha!!! really must see the person who showed u the concern at times like tis.. juz fuck off!!!

I think i know all this while..

2007-09-13T07:59:00.000+08:00

yaya.. i think some of u craving for my emo blog already right?? kekekeke..
"最后仍然是手放开".. do this look familiar? of coz la.. for those who had caught me on msn will see this on my avatar.. its really nth la as my few posts already told much on what happened.. already noticed she got someone in mind.. i know i'm not good enough for her but still I really wanna tell her how I feel about her.. But thanks to ning.. I was "pre-informed" that I got no luck in love life this month and that someone has someone to chase after her.. sad case.. haix.. forget it bahx.. arh!!! sometime I really wonder why i don't fucking finished my dip the other time & suffer less of this kinda r/s" prob.. liking a person is ez but y telling them is so difficult?? afraid of being hurt again?? yes i am!! being a coward again?? yes i am!! hiding & shying from love again?? yes i am!! then y the hell i got the courage to like her then?? i'm really a big failure in r/s.. now she got a target le so wat can i say now?? nth again.. its all bck to basic.. all is gone!! all is gone......... i can only again view her frm afar.. really far this time.. juz let me sink deeper & con't to fall into my pit-less sadness..

This few days~~

2007-09-07T18:45:00.000+08:00

Nothing much happened after the bbq except going for a job interview & a small gathering session due to kester's birthday..
yesterday went out in a small group with francis, jorene, keichin, felix, kez, yunkee, harianto & me.. went for lunch at the basement of suntec & after tat was ice-cream time!! yunkee, kenichi & me can't resist the temptation.. kekekeke.. kenichi head off early as he got to go for his dragon boat training.. after which went to walk around & got stuck at the toys' road show for quite some time.. bought stuffs there & got an advance bdae present for yunkee.. kekekeke.. its just a cookie monster soft toy but looks cute.. ahahahaha.. then got sumthg for sum1 else but its no surprise to her.. *cheh* then went to play arcade.. must admit i old liaox.. i can't even do DDR properly liaox.. omg!!! used to be one of my favorite game lor.. ahahahaha.. after that kez & yunkee gotta go so i walked them to the escalator.. i took the chance & go out walk walk & rest while they con't with photo hunt.. kekekeke.. buay tahan lor.. then head down to marina square.. they wanted bowling but no lane available so end up having a game of pool.. during the game sum1 oreadi complained hungry so we went to eat at the stalls beside DXO.. the food not bad but sumhw cannot make it oso.. haix.. took cab home after that..
Recently also had a deal with xinning over the "save-the-world-&-no-smoking-till-result-day-or-else-punishment" campaign.. ahahahaha.. i think i can survive that since its my 5th attempt to stop.. must stop this time.. nobody's fault that i become like that as its my own will that i wanted to quit even before this campaign.. appreciate her help also.. kekekeke.. i'm not alone anyway.. muahahahaha.. but i'm having sum prob also.. my body seem not able to take it.. so i gotta rely on my mind to control myself le.. hope i can really quit this time, ending my many years of smoking.. fight-toh!!!~~

Class bbq

2007-09-04T19:06:00.000+08:00

woah~~ just had a filled sleep.. was so tired when i reached home & i almost din pulled myself to the bath room.. ahahahaha..
can say that the class bbq was a huge success.. hope everyone enjoyed the event as much as i had.. everybody were in high spirits except for the scene for partings.. haix.. i just hate goodbyes.. i still can't avoid myself for being emotional again.. damn.. it was so embarrassing.. ya ya.. rain filled my eyes.. *its was raining also* the thoughts of parting was too great for me i guess.. hope my emo did not or will not affect or turn off anyone.. kekekeke.. this maybe the last time we could gather as such a big group.. from now on.. i gotta accept that we won't be seeing as much as it used to be.. well.. most of them will be continuing their studies so i think still will have the ability to meet them up.. hoping so & looking forward to.. all the best mates~~ ^-^

The new chapter beginning soon..

2007-08-29T14:56:00.000+08:00

finally.. no more exam.. today is the last paper already.. hopefully the effort i put in won't be fruitless as i spent countless nights studying.. will miss the friends i made.. the time i spent with them.. haix.. trying not to be too emotional but i guess by avoiding all will be the best way out.. cruel!! my feelings always get the better of me even when i reminded myself to be strong.. guess i can never do so.. ahahahaha.. wish u all the best in your continual of studies.. my path won't meet with u all but i hope the bond will live forever.. i'll be stepping back into working life after this.. i can proudly said that i finally fulfilled my wish of finishing my diploma.. cheers to myself.. hope i didn't disappoint anyone.. oh.. not forgetting.. happy birthday leona~~
well.. my walk down memory lane this few days was pretty nice.. took an early ride to school this few days to sit at the bus stop where i first met her.. sweet memories.. don't know when will i get the chance to experience this kind of loving feeling again.. stupid of me right?? ahahaha.. but sometimes acting blur over things can actually see a clearer picture on how she looked at me also.. kekekeke.. 7years & when finally someone touched my heart.. i shy away from it as i know reality is cruel.. i'm just hoping for a relationship that is impossible to happen.. but i'm glad that our life ever crossed.. i'm happy enough le.. there's a saying: "loving someone is not by having her but to have her free". i dunno how true the degree of this sentence is but will be looking forward for a future with her if possible.. if possible..

End of tour

2007-08-19T12:50:00.000+08:00

finally.. everything ended "officially" yesterday.. i dunno how to describe the feeling but its sad.. some of us may only see each other on the exam day itself & some of us are still able to see each other when we are studying together.. hate to say this but i really hate the feeling of being apart with friends.. *sigh* i still got a lot of things to share with my friends also but time waits for no one.. life will still goes on & everybody will be fighting their own battles again from then on.. tears filled my heart & sadness touched my mind as i'm writing this.. one thing i never regret is that i'm glad that i chose to study in SIM & making all this whole lot of friends.. i'm glad that they crossed my path in life.. no amount of gratitude could be thanked but the gladness of having them is never undying.. not willing to let them go but i got to as everyone will spread their wings & soar towards their goals & i'm likewise.. i wanna thank all of you for the memories you gave me. thank you all~~ ^-^
but i'm ready for my next challenge in life where the working world is waiting for me.. i'll be opening a new chapter in life soon.. a chapter where fights & struggles will be filling most of my career paths.. seen a lot of this ever since i first started working.. i'll work harder to change my life into a better one..
oh.. not forgetting.. last nite went to see the fireworks again.. not as good as fri's but overall still ok la.. kekekeke.. will combine them with the video also.. erm.. i got problem with combining the video also as the free converter online only allows 2mins.. guess i gotta buy le.. haix..

Friendship forever~~~

2007-08-18T00:52:00.000+08:00

woah~~ just reached home from the outing.. went out with peggy, yulaini, juthdy, kenichi, geraldyn, jorene, francis, harianto & felix to watch the fireworks display at esplanade.. nice sia.. will try to get the video up as soon as possible.. its a fun & memorable day for me as it is the second last day being together with them.. i will treasure today so dearly in my heart.. tomorrow will be the last day le.. the mix feelings of sadness & excitement is with me.. the very last gathering will be the bbq on the 3rd of sept.. hopefully my emotions won't get the better of me.. its so sad that when we are only beginning to enjoy each other's company, its already time to bid goodbye.. time waits for no one & i do really regret that i still do not know most of the classmates.. but i'm happy enough to know those i got to know. life is short & i always believe that i must treasure the people around me..
today not bad la.. did make so progress in macro.. we managed to "so-called" finished the 14th intake paper.. did cracked out brain but the feeling is nice when we get the answers.. its really morale boasting.. kekekeke.. tomorrow will be the last day for macro & the last lesson for the semester le.. haix.. everyone jia you wor for ya exams.. its rough but we can get through this together de..

Crazy?? Stupid?? Or just lonely??

2007-08-16T23:10:00.000+08:00

haix.. kana from friends tat i'm crazy again.. *sigh* y?? because when we were talking about our ideal partner for life.. i just told them that as long as her character is good & no matter how she is, how she look, she's blind or deaf or she got disability.. i'll accept it.. then they gave me a strange look & i got "concerned" by the lectures they gave.. haix.. what's wrong with what i said?? they said i'm just pure stupid or is it i'm just lonely & need a companion.. how cruel can they said this to me?? haix..
i really dun know where's the prob lor.. liking a person is all about her inner beauty than the external beauty rite?? by having a vase for "viewing", are you really happy over it?? will you be happy with her?? is she really the one for you?? if all above dun meet ya category, so what's the point of having her?? or should i be the one waking up my bloody stupid ideas?? i'll still stick to that principal of mine unless someone really can change my mind over it..
to me, liking a person means liking her as a whole.. even she's a prostitute or some criminal, i'll still love her with all my heart if she's the one i'm looking for.. love has no barrier & i always believe in that.. & even with an unspeakable past, what done cannot be undone.. so why not held on to each other's hand & look forward for a better tomorrow & future?? i never wanna live a life with regrets.. the worst thing is that u missed the things u most wanted in life..

What mind mapping is this??

2007-08-16T17:35:00.000+08:00

wah.. really wanna kill myself liaox.. the mind mapping for IMEC seem so useless!!! its just like a summary for the whole chapter lor.. felix & me surrendered after 2hours when we feel that we'r not making any progress at all.. sad case.. *sigh* must really sit down & cool my mind off before doing the IMEC write ups.. too tired to go on so i guess i'll take a rest first.. maybe after dinner i'll read through the notes bahx..

Brain "juice" all used up..

2007-08-15T22:08:00.000+08:00

nv tot tat the marco past year papers to be so difficult.. we were in high spirit tat we could finished the paper but end up we stuck so long in one section.. damn.. after which we were too tired to continue lor.. haix.. really muz read more on macro.. the qns in the papers were so different from the way the lecturers told us.. guess we gotta spend more time gng thru tis subject le.. tmr will start on IMEC.. hopefully it wun be as rough as today.. headache lor.. *sigh* i not sure if got time to remember so much thgs onot.. arh!!.. one last breadth of "chionging" before it ended.. so sad.. 2 more weeks oni.. T_T

After presentation

2007-08-13T22:41:00.000+08:00

woah~~ finally back home le.. the last presentation for the sem & course 'sounded off' with a grand note.. ended smoothly but dunno if result will be good.. hopefully will la 'coz we put in so much effort in it.. kekekeke.. but so tired now as last "nite" slept too "early" le.. sum more sat whole day din slp at all.. i'm gng to find 'zhou gong' play chess soon le.. *yawnz~~*
after presentation we, francis, dovan, ben, irham, jorene, yunkee, harianto, kenichi, kat, jacky & felix, went to PS for "celebration" aka gathering.. abit strange lor 'coz all of us wearing formal.. kekekeke.. after eating went arcade see see look look & play the games.. then we went walk walk but end up stuck at best denki.. were amused by the new guitar game.. funny lor.. jorene was so concentrated in the game.. really funny lor.. thk jacky got took some pics of her.. muahahahaha.. will ask him or francis put up in friendster then we comment on it.. ahahahaha.. look so fierce lor.. actually tot of gng to dovan's wkin plc but everybody were too tired.. so decided to go home.. so here i am.. heex..
tmr will be another tiring day as a few of us will be preparing for exam le.. left 2 more weeks & everythg will end.. sad ar but at the same time feeling happy over it.. so contradicting.. happy 'coz i finally fulfilled my dream of completing my dip.. sad 'coz i gonna part with her soon.. i dunno when will it be tat after the course i'll get to see her. but the memories of her with be kept dearly in my heart..

Just like the old times

2007-08-11T18:55:00.000+08:00

Woah~~ finally finished the video taking for the IMEC project.. Its just as fun as the HR project the other time.. kekekeke.. but sianx lor.. mon gotta wear formal for the presentation.. hopefully the jury will be lenient with us.. haix.. already the last sem still give us this stun..
Haix.. talking about which.. time really flies.. I would really missed most of the classmates especially her.. *sigh* she stole my heart since the first time i saw her at the bus stop where i used to change my bus.. i didn't know she was from our class until sem 2.. omg.. how careless of me for not knowing that.. haix.. by the time i know her.. its already time to say goodbye.. how sad but no regrets knowing her also.. how stupid of me.. shy away from her but at the same time liking her.. so so so one sided.. kinda like this feeling as too long not in a relationship.. its nice but at the same time, i can feel the sour heart..

Thoughts far ahead??

2007-08-09T13:02:00.000+08:00

yesterday went out with a group of classmates.. suppose to go cycling with them but end up nobody wanna go.. ahahahaha.. but even without going cycling, we did enjoy ourselves with the hang out session.. went to watch Rush Hour3 with them.. nice show.. recommended & a show not to be missed.. after which was dinner & after which went to walk around to shop for ken's stuff but end up jorene bought toy for her nephew.. we seem to enjoy alot at the toys' fair.. so funny.. seem like i found my childhood days there.. kekekeke.. then it was time for them to go, so sent ken & jorene to their bus stop before francis & me head to our respective destination..
went for some gathering with old pals.. its nice to see all of them again.. nothing much change but can see that age is catching up on us.. after the movie, everybody looked so tired lor.. ahahahaha.. did went for some chit chatting session before we made a move..
later gonna meet up with a bro who is flying tomorrow to Vancouver.. will be "so-called" the last time seeing him.. whenever we met, he would always ask me when i wanna join him there.. i would always tell him wait till i settle everything here.. it is my wish all this while to fly overseas to explore & work.. its nice to see the different cultures.. knowing nothing gonna change my mind on it, i would work towards that direction.. but where?? surely somewhere i am familiar with right?? this thought never fails me & will always hold me back.. what if i have someone in mind that made me stay?? would i still go as i wished?? my direction blurred when the thoughts raises.. *sigh* i need to reassure myself more as its my path of life..

What the hell am I doing!!!!!

2007-08-07T23:50:00.000+08:00

so disappointed with my test today.. the paper is really quite easy but i messed up again.. haix.. its so simple but i made it looked so difficult until i oversee my points.. really deserve to fail this time.. the MPC is given & yet i do so much just to find the stupid MPS.. haix.. this is the 1st time i'm so confident in a test lor.. never felt any paper any easier than this.. arh!!!!!!!!! really hate myself for being so careless.. really got no face to face myself & others.. super low morale now.. must try to stand on my feet again for the coming main exam.. so so so disappointed.. *sigh* what done cannot be undone.. i really dunno what to say le.. suddenly lost interest in this subject.. damn pissed with myself & only blame myself for my own stupidity.. i can go bang as many walls as i can now.. maybe that can help in my brain.. *pui*