i shouldn't be there at all in the first place.. why find trouble for myself.. just thought of catching up with ex-classmates only but end up i got frustrated & pissed with their topics.. its non of my business anyway but why i take it to heart so badly? of course la.. i'm lousy & stupid in my studies & i feel damn inferior to their's.. isn't it obvious? the more they compare.. the more i find it frustrating, uneasy & uncomfortable.. to make matter worse.. i excused myself by going off.. i can't stand it anyway & do not wanna spoil the atmosphere.. i feel the blood boiling deep inside so suddenly.. i almost blew my head off.. i wondered what would happened if i stayed any longer.. i might just smash the table into two.. ha.. truely.. its nice to see everybody doing fine.. cheers to graduating officially..
today finally got the reply from ***** about me converting to perm but my heart sank damn low when i heard about the offer.. its crappy & shitty i guess because i can't find a better word to describe it.. haix.. benefits so-so.. bonus a month more than other compaines & its fixed.. basic is super low.. work load quite abit.. people are fun to work with.. environment is overall good.. i'm seriously considering but the offer was just too lousy.. i don't know if i wanna take.. progress maybe slow but at least there's room for improvement & "promotion" if performance is good.. colleagues told me to forget it but my heart told me to stay on.. i'm so confused.. follow my heart or listern to advice? *sigh*
suddenly feel that i'm not good enough for her till i can't make her to fall for me.. i know i got to take things slowly but i don't see any improvement between us.. i don't know how to bring the distance between us closer.. i just don't know how.. i'm so helpless.. i'm so useless.. i'm so stupid.. i'm so slow.. maybe i'm not the one she's looking for at all.. her aim is so high & far while i'm looking for a simple life.. i wanna know more about her but there always seem to be a wall in front of me, blocking my view.. or issit i'm not sensitive & attentive enough? or am i trying too hard?
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