Without u: Part 2

woah~ finally get to update my blog.. ok.. one thing at a time..
i'm officially a perm staff as of 17th dec.. so far nothing much as i'm doing things tat i had been doing for the past 2months before convertion except for more job scope.. kekeke.. i'm still quite new so will be expecting more to come.. so far really enjoyed my time working with the people there.. truely grateful to all whom had guild me along all this while.. i learned alot of them.. the sad thing is most of the temps will be returning or starting their school soon.. will surely missed the time spent with them.. all the best in studies!!
3days later.. the most important part of my life started.. she finally accepted me.. i'm officially attached on 20th dec!! heex.. the sad thing was she went back on x'mas that very day.. its heart wrecking but i'm contented enough to spend the time we had.. its short but filled.. this maybe a test for us as they say distance makes the hearts grow fonder.. its true as i'm definitely feeling the pinch already.. though its just for afew days after she left for home.. this has really thought me to treasure the time & moment we had & going to have.. for time waits for nobody.. how i wish that she could be by my side every day.. every moment.. every min.. alittle much to ask for i guessed.. *sigh* all i can do now is wait for her return or maybe making a short trip over to look for her.. gotta be more cautious as i'm worried that her mum would find out.. my heart is not with me le but i just gotta concentrate on things over here.. if not she'll not be happy also de.. frankly speaking.. i'm happy as things they are now.. its difficult to maintain long distance r/s but luv will definitely pull us closer & stronger de.. tis i believe.. i just wanna say tis.. i miss u dear dear!! i love u so much!! ^-^
congrats to my buddies, arul & allan.. arul came back s'pore & found a job.. allan finally bought a house of his own.. finally got a place of his own with his wife.. will be hoping to meet them up soon.. how soon i dunno oso 'coz i'm kinda bz..
last but not least.. happy b'day to kat.. join her for dinner at grapevine with harold & kenichi.. a nice place to chill.. after dinner.. no where to go & tired.. decided to have a game or two in the lan shop before we head for home..

Dedicated to all 4

当世界不知不觉的变了, When the world unknownly changes
有时候我怀念以前的我, Sometimes I do doubt the past of me
作的梦虽然远远的, The dreams I had maybe out of reached
想像是一种快乐, But thinking can be a kind of happiness
拥有了同时也失去什麼 At the same time, I do felt I loss what I achieved

This is something I stumbled upon when i was doing some reading.. Sometimes in life we do felt frustrated over what we cannot achieved but at the same time felt that what we had achieved is drifting apart from us.. I do agree on this as I felt the same way before & currently feeling too.. Life is just too short.. Don't asked for too much from yourself as it will only lead u to nowhere.. be contented with what u have now.. I know most will not agree on what I said but I gone through quite alot in life so I can understand the needs & wants.. Nobody will be content over what he/she had right now & will push themselves harder to hit the goals.. Will u be happy doing so?? maybe monetary satisfactions wise but are u as a whole?? what will u get along the way??
As for me, one thing I'm afraid of all this while are "lost & lose".. Why this?? I'm afraid to lost my way in life and lose the ones I loved.. I had gone through both during my earlier stage in life & I never want to exprience them again.. All I can say is treasure all u have right now.. nothing is everlasting in this world as u'll not be around forever..

Building up on..

finally got a resolution last night even though its a short while.. clarrified things with her & got to know all the details.. we promised to work things out together.. looking at & building on our future is much more impotant than anything else now.. my heart is still a little shaken over some issues but i guessed its best kept within me & not rake them up in front of her to make her unhappy or sad as i know the problems will keep on resurfacing if i kept raking them up.. rather than doing so, i want to treasure every moment with her, giving & leaving her the best memories she ever had.. as long as she's happy, i don't mind what would happen to me even the worst things would befall unto me.. recently a classmate just hopped back into r/s.. i didn't know until i was told.. congrats to her & the guy who won her heart.. he started later than me but looking at myself.. i'm never near to his achievement.. sadly but truely.. i'm nowhere near my goal.. am i that lousy? am i really that useless? where is the confident i once had when i set my mind on going after her? frankly.. i don't know how much i stand in her heart.. how close is close? will she miss me? will she think of me & so on.. guess i asked for too much.. *sigh*

Sleepless night

didn't manage to sleep at all last night.. was troubled over something.. that question haunted me badly as my heart was shattered yet again..
u told me that u can't promise that u won't fall for another yet u asked me if i can wait for u for 5years.. to be frank.. i can but its u that can't promise me.. what can i do?? u said u don't wanna give me empty promises while i already gave u my heart.. after what u said last night.. my heart hurts badly.. i really questioned myself the whole night.. my mind is in a big mess again.. i'm so unsure of myself this time.. i really got nothing to say.. i got no answers anymore..

Never easy to be uneasy

i shouldn't be there at all in the first place.. why find trouble for myself.. just thought of catching up with ex-classmates only but end up i got frustrated & pissed with their topics.. its non of my business anyway but why i take it to heart so badly? of course la.. i'm lousy & stupid in my studies & i feel damn inferior to their's.. isn't it obvious? the more they compare.. the more i find it frustrating, uneasy & uncomfortable.. to make matter worse.. i excused myself by going off.. i can't stand it anyway & do not wanna spoil the atmosphere.. i feel the blood boiling deep inside so suddenly.. i almost blew my head off.. i wondered what would happened if i stayed any longer.. i might just smash the table into two.. ha.. truely.. its nice to see everybody doing fine.. cheers to graduating officially..
today finally got the reply from ***** about me converting to perm but my heart sank damn low when i heard about the offer.. its crappy & shitty i guess because i can't find a better word to describe it.. haix.. benefits so-so.. bonus a month more than other compaines & its fixed.. basic is super low.. work load quite abit.. people are fun to work with.. environment is overall good.. i'm seriously considering but the offer was just too lousy.. i don't know if i wanna take.. progress maybe slow but at least there's room for improvement & "promotion" if performance is good.. colleagues told me to forget it but my heart told me to stay on.. i'm so confused.. follow my heart or listern to advice? *sigh*
suddenly feel that i'm not good enough for her till i can't make her to fall for me.. i know i got to take things slowly but i don't see any improvement between us.. i don't know how to bring the distance between us closer.. i just don't know how.. i'm so helpless.. i'm so useless.. i'm so stupid.. i'm so slow.. maybe i'm not the one she's looking for at all.. her aim is so high & far while i'm looking for a simple life.. i wanna know more about her but there always seem to be a wall in front of me, blocking my view.. or issit i'm not sensitive & attentive enough? or am i trying too hard?

Without u: Part 1

its been 2 days.. erm.. considering the 3rd day since u left here to home.. everything looked normal.. i do my stuff as usual.. went for a game of badminton with friends.. went out with friends.. but something just seem missing.. i feel kinda empty.. i kept checking on my hp to see if u'll sms me but i know its not gonna happen for some time.. i can't concentrate well on things i do.. i made stupid mistakes.. nearly got run over by the bus when wanna get onto it.. before it arrived i actually step over onto the road.. i don't know what happened also.. so i dare not board onto it until the next bus came along.. haix.. what am i doing??
i shouldn't be like this at all.. its like my spirit is away from the empty shell.. i must be stronger.. i shouldn't take it as a set back with what u said but convert them to strength to prove my worth.. my mind just can't recover from that because the heart was shattered & shaken badly.. i won't put blames on anyone but myself.. i know i'm impatient.. i don't wanna put pressure or stress on u either but i don't know why i just can't control myself.. its never your fault to start with but mine.. moreover.. i would like to thank u instead.. i thought i would never recover from my nightmares but u made it possible to make me dare to open my heart again..

Sadness filled

i think i never thought that things will turned out this way but i did anticipate the worst scenario.. she's being forced to go back tomorrow.. suddenly sadness filled me the moment she told me but i did tried to control my emotions.. i don't want her to worry about me either.. i gotta be alittle stronger.. her absent will very much see how i deal with my life without her.. it'll be a test for me bahx.. i'll definitely long to see her & unwilling to let go as i fall deeply in love with her.. though i know i could do nothing but i can only wait here for her.. i did told her how i felt & i did promised that she's the only one in my heart now.. she's the first i opened my heart to after 7years & i'm taking this seriously.. have faith in me.. nobody can replaced u after i set my sight on u.. i really regretted not telling her earlier but at least i did not regret telling her how i feel for her.. to be.. i'm happy enough if i'm accepted in her heart even though nothing is being told to me.. no answer yet.. no agreement yet.. will miss her badly for sure..

Fragile

life is always short so treasure what u have in life.. why the sudden thought?? just happened to see one of the friendster's alert on friend's update on their blog so i thought why not since i so long didn't see her & maybe drop by to see how she is doing.. but i got a shock of my life.. a friend of her's whom i known passed away.. i sms her as soon as i saw it & got to know its by a very serious accident..
while sms-ing, she said i'm always busy.. suddenly i got hit again.. this remind me of a friend whom had been trying to ask me out but at that time i was busy with my projects & studies.. he is non other than Ben from my poly days.. i know i'm wrong & its my fault for keeping myself so packed all the time but i know how to prioritise between seriousness & fun too.. she's right about it.. i would like to apologise to all my friends whom i had neglected.. i don't mean it but i'm trying very hard to juggle my life also.. i may not contact u all so often but always remember that u all are always on my mind..
do drop me a sms if u see this.. ^-^

Happy

只欠一句 我爱你没胆亲口告诉你.. 只差一句你答应点头说你也愿意..
i'm always timid over many things but i finally got the reply i'm looking forward to.. i was over the moon that day.. i couldn't sleep the whole night.. even though i'm tired but my mind is super awake.. trust me.. that feeling is indescribable.. kekekeke.. i missed her so much even after we met few hours earlier.. it feels like the first time i fall in love.. again.. the feeling is indescribable.. just a word to contain how i feel everyday when i received her sms or see her.. HAPPY!~..

Far from it but still trying

kinda got some assurance from her & i can finally put my mind at ease & go full throttle towards that direction.. i finally find my old self back so can see alot more differences in me.. will be emo still if not u all will missed my nice posts.. kekekeke.. will see a more confident side of me.. its being a long long time i took that out from deep within me.. guess it was "that" pushing factor that lead me to it.. i'm not sure how long i gotta wait still before she accept me but i'm kinda happy with things as it is now.. i know i'm slow & super simple-minded idiot who always messed things up at the most crucial point.. wanna express certain things but always tongue tied.. haix.. am i that shy or simply lost my sense of expressing?

Dedicated to all 3..

The guy who love you, if he can't always see you,
he will try to make himself busy, for not to have
any time to remember you, because he knew, if he
did, he will keep on missing you until he could do
nothing.

The guy who love you, can't tell you the reason
why he love you. he only knew that, in his eyes,
you are the only one

The guy who love you, seldom praise you, but in
his heart, you are the best, only he know it,

The guy who love you, Only drop his tears infront of
you, when you try to wipe his tears, you are
touching his heart, the heart which beat for you.

The guy who love you, will remember every word u
said, even its accidentally. and he will use the word
always at the nick of time.

The guy who love you, will not give any promise
that easily, because they don't want to break the
promise, they want you to believe him and they
want to give you the happiest and safest life ever
after.

The guy who love you, always tell you not to think
too much, because they already plan it for you, he
want to give u the best life in the future, he want to
give you a surprise, believe him that he can do it.

The guy who love you, will listen quietly to you,
when you are mad, and when you finished, he will
said, you still got class tomorrow, sleep earlier with
smile.

The guy who love you, don't know that whether he
should call you when you are angry, but he will
sent a message to you after few hours, if you ask
him why he call that late, he will said, when you
are angry, my explanation are all rubbish. But
when you calm down, my explanation will only
really works.

The guy who love you, always call you little kid, but
everytime he want to make a big decision, he will
first want to hear your advice.

The guy who love you, don't like little toy like teddy
bear, but he will always put the bear you gift him at
his bed.

The guy who love you, while quarelling, he will
apologize uncontrollably, althought you are the one
who's wrong, and later, he will sent a message to
you with " baby, actually you know its your fault,
you know it urself "

The guy who love you, while really miss you, he
will want to buy a bunch of rose and wait you
stupidly under your apartment. but he never
knows , what he bought is daisy, but doesn't
matter, because in his heart, that's roses.

Late

guess i'm old already.. i actually missed my station.. with only one stop away from my destination.. ended up at dover mrt & gotta rush to work by cab.. damn.. tomorrow must try to wake up earlier lor.. if not kana black mark ar..
i guess i don't hate myself but despise myself more.. i should have stood firmly just like what i did for the past 7years.. where has my determination gone to? or is it that i open up myself too much that i have weaken slowly over the years? shame on yourself.. just say u'r afraid of loneliness.. u need a partner by your side.. i really don't want to think about it anymore.. i'm so afraid of r/s.. i'm afraid of losing that someone i like.. i'm afraid of everything.. she got her direction to work towards to while i'm stuck at finding a job only.. why am i losing out to so many people.. i hate it.. if i had completed my diploma the other time.. i won't feel this way at all.. why must there be problem the other time that forces me to stop.. why all this!! i hate myself.. i don't blame anyone but i blame myself for it.. i want to give myself up.. drive myself crazy better & i can stay in "hougang charlet" all my life & not think of anything anymore.. life will be so much better like this.. being human is so difficult.. i won't end my life by suicide.. i don't even bother want to hurt myself.. die a slow & wonderful death is good.. how i wish for that..
but what i really wished for is to hold her hands & hug her tightly.. cherishing the every moments we spent together.. telling her how much i like her.. talking about the goals we going to achieve.. want to be with her for the good & bad times.. always there for her.. but i know all this is beyond my reach.. never near at all.. i felt i'm drifting further & further..

Drained

recently feel so drained & vexed over certain things.. although i told myself not to think about it too much but i just can't help it.. that was why i always compliment on my stupid brain that is thinking over things at the "right" time.. *pui* i tried but it don't seem to work.. maybe karma has come to haunt me.. what i did last time all rushed towards me at one go without mercy..
physically i may seem alright but mentally.. my mind is just like a whirl pool.. its turning non-stop into the pit-less bottom of the sea bed.. i can be myself in front of anyone but once i'm alone.. i'm another me again.. the lost soul that's searching & looking for an answer in life.. not simply life but something more..
to be frank.. am i wrong in giving myself a chance to fall in l*** again? like people say.. the more u look forward to one.. the further it'll drift away from u.. i'm slowly beginning to understand & see a clearer picture.. yup.. i was wrong.. wrong for falling at the wrong time.. i'm just too lenient to myself.. giving myself so much hopes but end up falling badly.. time is not giving me chance to slow my pace.. the more i tried to match the pace.. the further i was thrown behind.. i'm so tired already.. how i wish i can just lay still & forget about this hopeless world.. i'm beginning to hate myself more & more.. i got no right to l*** anyone at all..
condemn me god.. take me away from this life.. i treasured whatever u gave me but end up getting hurt more each time u lift me up.. aren't u cruel to me? how much more u want to torture me? i'm just human.. i'm as delicate as china in anyone's hand.. u'r simply driving me to a corner where i don't even have a space to catch a breather or hide.. or is it just that u'r cutting me little by little.. enjoying the torture on me & see me rot slowly..
ashes to ashes.. dust to dust.. whatever it is.. i'm happy that i got to know all that got into my life.. be it those i dislike.. be it those i like before.. be it anyone.. as long as u crossed my path before.. i'm contented.. even if i just go or suddenly disappear one day.. don't bother to ask where i go 'coz the answer is simple.. i'm simply gone for good.. all of u are a worthy bunch in the deepest part of my heart but i'm not worthy even for a tiny little space in all your hearts.. save it for others who are more worth it.. u'll see life more worthwhile without me.. i'm just a spec of dust that needs to be removed before it spoils anything.. i come here with nothing & i shall go with nothing also.. not even a memory..

Dedicated to all 2...

Do cherish the person who loves u and care for u, if u ever lose this person, maybe u r not able to find another again. The person who loves you...

will never give u a reason why he loves u. he only knows that u are in his eyes

will accept u whatever u are, in his eyes u are still the most beautiful even though u feel your body is over weight or obese

always want to know what are u doing for a whole day, he want to know what are your activities

will send u a sms such as, good morning, good night, happy sunday, even though u will not reply his messages

will remember every single moment that he has done with u, even though u have already forgotten for every detail of that moment, because that moment is the most precious to him

will remember every single word u said and maybe the word u also forgot ever said it

will give his things that u will think its usual for u but for him, that is the most precious

will silence for a while when he is talking with u by a phone, because that time he feel nervous because u are "shaking his world" now

always want to be beside u and near u, and he want to spend his days only with u

sometimes miss u and make something that annoy u or make u feel crazy, and when u say u are feel annoyed, he will apologize and promise will not do it again

if u avoid him or reject him, he will realise and disappear forever from your life, even though it kills his heart

Work work work..

wah.. 1st 4days of work just passed like that.. damn tiring.. everyday gotta rush with people to get into the train.. gotta find place to sit for lunch.. now i know how it is to work in the CBD area.. see the people so stress i indirectly can feel it lor.. not much of a problem waking up so that's a relief.. kekekeke.. the troublesome part is smoking!! as i am working on the 20th floor, it'll be a killer if i do it often.. so currently.. i only smoke once after work when walking to the train station.. think should be able to quit quite soon le.. muahahaha.. even the simplest tasks i'm doing also seem so difficult & stiff.. but i'm picking quite fast because my mentor kept praising me.. kekekekeke.. kidding.. she's a nice lady.. not her only.. the department i'm working in is so lively lor.. everybody is nice there.. 1st day there they already made me feel like i'm a full-time staff there.. other than rushing for work & lunch, everything so far is great.. i don't mind the work load at all since i'm aid to do so even though its not justified.. but hor.. i got a problem.. i tend to knock out at times when i stare too much on the documents.. ahahahahaha..
recently.. my friend is facing a problem.. his target used someone's else relationship to take it as a stepping stone to their's and both have kinda feelings for each other.. upon hearing, i do find some familiarity to his problem.. i'm in no position to say him but i think & feel its quite unfair to him.. other people's relationship problems got nothing to do with what 2 person are currently going through.. everybody relationship paths are different.. if everybody is going through the same thing.. i think i would seen my parents divorce long ago lor.. think again.. i know his target's fear is not to get hurt but its no way or excuse to reject.. its immature of her.. we're human.. its meant to be complicated & never able to be understood.. there are diseases still with no cure so do u think human can be so easily read?? i think sometimes we do over-rated ourselves & our abilities to handle things.. i told him to give up since its this way & no point trying so hard to change her mind since her mind is set.. just move on lor since life is so short only.. u want a perfect relationship in this world that has a fairy tale ending?? i would say its never possible.. u envy couples when they're so lovey dovey but did u see the other side of their's sour bust up & etc..?? since it takes 2hands to clap.. i think by letting the person go is the best solution as 1person can't do anything to a relationship.. since each of them have different paths & views.. parting ways is the least cruel way of farewells.. suddenly.. something hit me hard.. i think the answer i gave him slapped me real hard..

Super down on luck

haix.. must really say nowadays the viruses are getting better sia.. i kana malware from an unknown source.. the best part is i can't reject or stop the activeX installation.. power!!! spend almost the whole noon reformat the computer.. finally back to normal oreadi.. really hate to reformat as i need to look for the drivers & programs all over again.. sianx..

Thanks for the concern..

guess i made everybody worried about me on my last post.. i'm alright already.. sorry.. i was doing some deep soul searching last night.. the night was quiet & i can't get to sleep so i just lay on the bed looking at the ceiling & think over.. its was a good "wash" of my mind as i sorted out alot of thoughts.. one thing i should give credit to is our brain.. they work wonders.. why? because those things we want to remember they tend to forget & memories to be remembered were blurred.. things unnecessary to think they will go into deep thoughts.. *sigh* but i'm glad that i woke up today very fresh & worries-free, just that i'm impatient over my job hunt..
just today late evening.. i finally got a call from the agent in-charge of aviva temp job.. i was over the moon when i got the news but the pay was like.. erm.. but its alright.. i want to learn new things also from different environment.. so.. i'll be working with kenichi & reina.. don't know if we'll be in the same department but at least we can work together for once.. hope they can get used to my working style.. *crossed my fingers first* sunday got to be more hardworking & take out all the working clothings to iron.. its been a long time i took them out.. ahahahaha..
last but not least.. went out with kat for some beer.. chat over our problems but end up all our problems are nothing of importance but we just lost track on.. ahahahaha.. how stupid of us.. after beer, we went for dota session.. heex.. the AI too good sia.. i kana "first blood".. idiot.. they gang us lor.. after dota went to find harold & it was beer session again.. yeah~~ finally got myself alittle high over beer.. its was so long i last experienced it.. muahahahaha.. then was supper & home.. another day passed like that.. i would say thanks for another simple day..

Lost: Season 6 ???

recently feel so lost with job hunting & in sum other things.. there's too many uncertainty over my future.. i'm glad & happy over the encouragement from friends but the mental blockage in my mind & the matter at heart cannot be untie.. i cannot give myself assurance anymore.. am i asking for too much from myself? am i aiming too high? am i soaring too far from reality? am i too optimistic or pessimistic? am i giving myself too much pressure? everything in front of me suddenly become so blurriness when the light ahead is so dim.. i guess i'm too impatient in both problems i'm facing.. i just don't want to disappoint my family who has been pinning high hopes on me.. i can feel the burden unknowingly.. they did encourage me to further my studies but i think i want to build my career as now, for my age, i need to prove something in life already.. i'm no longer young as seen.. ning was right about my fickle-minded mentality.. i just cannot decide what i want.. i really need a morale boasting push.. i need to focus on my mind set.. i really need to sit down and think over my life.. i had missed out alot in life already and don't wish to lag behind again.. i want to enjoy life as much as possible.. make it as colorful as ever.. sound as beautiful as can be.. i want to achieve in life.. i don't want to disappoint anyone around me again.. i know i can do it but just too timid to move on.. i'm too careful with my path i'm stepping but at the same time making the same mistake? opportunities are everywhere but which is the correct one? nobody says its easy on what u sow and results are never guaranteed all the while.. am i simply digging my own grave? thinking life is that easy only.. i'm sure i'm very wrong on this step.. i need to step back to look at things from different angels.. if i just lay still and see again.. the world will be better or worse?

Why think it this way?

I know everyone gotta die someday but why think until that part so soon? there's so so much things to do in life to even think about it.. nobody can escape death anyway & it'll depend on how u die only.. i must agree that i did think of it before & it really scare me off with the thoughts.. thinking is there after life after death or where will i go after i die & etc... to me.. i'm not really bothered if people remember me after i go 'cause sooner or later they'll leave me in the memories.. life gotta move on even if i'm gone.. i rather they smile & laugh for me when i die then to "see" them cry for me if anyone will.. i'll feel much much better that way if i could tell them.. u may think that i'm not facing the reality but actually i don't think its necessary to think about it.. do whatever u wan now & enjoy life the way u wan.. even life sucks & i must fully agree on but make the fullest use of life & work towards that goal o f yours.. remember u got only 1 life now & once its over.. its over.. no rewinding.. no cheat codes for infinite life.. life is gone easily but to live is more difficult then u think.. u gotta be stronger than death.. i see life lost in front of me before & one of them is sum1 i like before.. the heart wrecking scene is hard to accept.. life is unpredictable & as y i dun wanna think about it? 'cause i'm so close to death before & managed to survive & that's the reason.. i treasure life so much.. i treasure people around me.. i treasure everything i have now.. if one day u ever come so close to death.. do tell me how it feels.. i can tell & assure u that the urge of u wanting to live is so strong & no second thoughts of it will resurface..

Do you?

在你心中有这样的一个人吗？ 你们可能相爱过，你们也可能喜欢着彼此， 但是，为了什么原因你们没能在一起？ 也许他为了朋友之间的义气，不能追你。 也许为了顾及家人的意见 ，你们没有在一起。 也许为了出国深造，他没有要你等他。 也许你们相遇太早，还不懂得珍惜对方。 也许你们相遇太晚，你们身边已经有了另一个人。 也许你回头太迟，对方已不再等待。 也许你们彼此在捉摸对方的心，而迟迟无法跨出界线。 不过即使你们没在一起，你们还是保持了朋友的关系。但是你们心底清楚，对这个人，你比朋友还多了一份关心。即使不能跟他名正言顺的牵着手逛街，你们还是可以做无所不谈的朋友。他有喜欢的人，你口头上会帮他追，心里却不是很清楚你是不是真的希望他追到。 他遇到困难时，你会尽你所能的帮他，不会计较谁又欠了谁。男女朋友吃醋了，你会安抚他们说你和他只是朋友，但你心中会有那么一丝的不确定。每个人这辈子，心中都有过这幺一个特别的朋友，很矛盾的行为。一开始你不甘心只做朋友的，但久了，突然发现这样最好。 你宁愿这样关心他，总好过你们在一起而有天会分手。 你宁愿做他的朋友，彼此不会吃醋，才可以真的无所不谈。 特别是这样，你还是知道，他永远会关心你的。做不成男女朋友，当他那个特别的朋友，有什么不好呢？你心中的这个特别的朋友...? 是谁呢？ 很多的感情，都因为一厢情愿，最后连朋友都当不成了，常常觉得惋惜，可惜一些本来很好的友情，最后却因为对方的一句喜欢你，如果你没有反应，这一段友情似乎也难以维持下去，这也难怪有些人会因此不肯踏出这一步。 因为这就像是一场赌注，表白了之后不是成了男女朋友，要不就连朋友都当不成了。有些事不是你能预料的，或许对方不在意，你们还可以是朋友，但却已经不如从前的好。也是可惜，也是遗憾！但还有没有可能是另一种情况，你可能永远都不甘心只是朋友. . .

Soon-to-be discouraged worker

woah.. today juz cut my hair.. quite satisfied with the new style.. kekekeke.. i feel so light today... ahahahahaha.. thx to kat who brought me dere & harold for introducing the hairdresser.. =)
for the past few weeks.. did nth except doing PRs around.. trying all ways & means to pull string to get into jobs i wan.. not ez.. i finally understand the pain & hardship of entertaining ppl.. dere's a few times when i omost got myself drunk.. damn.. lucky i was strong enuff to pull off.. went for a number of interviews from agencies to check out the "worth" of me now.. not bad as i can get at least a 1.8k wif my exp.. gotta be on the ball liaox.. will write dwn all the interested jobs early in the morn.. wish me luck to get them..
thkin of wkin p/t for the time being as i feel like traveling early nxt year.. wanna haf a short break overseas 1st to completely rest my mind & soul.. i really need that push.. see how bahx.. take thgs as it comes.. can't rush oso..

Courtship

Anyone noe abt tis word? yeah!! it means u'r going after sum1 or vice visa.. kekekeke.. the most tiring part of the process into a real relationship.. its either u did it by getting tat sum1 or all ya effort all gone down the drain depending on how u go after tat sum1..
at this stage.. most probably u need patience & courage the most.. for the "chasing" ones of coz need patience & for the "accepting" ones they need courage to accept.. its nv ez on how we see it as there's no definite explanation to it.. u can almost see all types of craps found in the net.. everybody got their own thinkings.. as i am saying abt them.. i do haf my own tots too lor.. *stupid* kekekeke..
i noe nobody wanna get hurt in a r/s but its not possible to haf a smooth one unless both parties are so extremely alike in tots.. can it happen?? mb yes but i haf nv nv seem one yet.. mb at the initial part of the r/s is "honey moon" period but as time goes by.. things may not be as smooth as it is.. i too am afraid of being hurt as most of u oreadi noe abt my past r/s.. yup.. i'm looking forward le.. am not gonna look back as i need to walk out of the shadow le.. wish me luck..

Busy..

2 days back to yunkee's farewell "party".. its pretty sad to see friends going back one by one.. haix.. the feeling is not good as everybody was & is so closed to each.. 1st was buddy van.. then was kim to serve his NS in korea.. then now my honey.. haix.. i really really hate goodbyes.. not bad as i controlled my emotions quite well tat day.. kekekeke.. broke my own record as to see sum1 off which i promised myself not to.. i guess its not as bad as it is but never a nice feeling as i'm still feeling quite down after all tis events.. hate myself for being so emo.. damn..
was busy also doing PR to pull strings to get jobs.. look like my reserve is damn low now.. gotta find a job soon.. arh.. now i noe y doing networking is so difficult le.. not bad la as i learned quite abit frm dere.. no wonder people alwayz said tat we'r learning everyday.. gotta agree on tat finally.. hope it'll paid off soon.. =) fri meeting sum1 for 1 more.. kekekeke..
got a bad news frm a fren who tot a pri sch as a IT trainer.. juz his luck for getting caught for doing sumthg rite but at the wrong time & place.. hopefully everythg will be fine after tis..

Outing with daughter

yestd went to marina south to have dinner with my baby ger daughter.. along were kenichi, felix, harianto & 2 of my daughter's frenz.. the "husband & wife" were so happy when they saw each other.. muahahaha.. i dunno if ken was angry onot but we try to say less of it.. worried tat he might.. but luckily.. he did joke it off.. kekekeke.. aft eating.. did nth & planned to catch a movie.. since dunno wat was on, we went to cineleisure.. as ken got dragon boat training today.. i dropped him off at the bus stop sumwhere near cine to let him go hm.. at cine, we looked at the time slots' big screen for sum time before buying the tickets for 'balls of fury'.. quite funny but its not as stupid as 'american pie' or 'scary movie'.. heng ar.. kekekeke.. aft movie was bck hm as everybody were tired oreadi..

Battle cry..

juz checked my result & i feel like doing sumthg.. the urge is very strong.. i wanna go to the sea-side & shout out my achievement.. i finally can proudly said that i fulfilled my wish of getting a dip.. tho the cert is not as gd as the poly ones but i still get it le.. many thanks to all whom stood by me all this while when i din clear my macro.. no amount of gratitude can express my feelings now except a simple "Thank You".. the support u all gave did really made me push harder.. finally.. everything ends today as i would be intensively looking for jobs.. last but not least.. I MADE IT!!! its been a long 15months..

Guessed I was too free..

after 2 rounds of interviews, i was home drenched because it was raining heavily.. damn.. actually wanna go cycling but can't but also luckily it was raining also.. kekekeke.. *phew* the calls came quite late also.. so i was rushing to both.. tired..
aft bathing.. i did nth.. suddenly my mind recalled many things.. many images i felt that i seen before but so unfamiliar & alien at the same time.. were those the "lost" memories i'm searching & seeking for? i saw many people but i can't recall who are they.. the more i think, the more the brain feel as if its gonna explode.. & so.. i let go of the recalling.. *sigh* at the very moment i stopped, her face appeared.. its been 7years that i last able to remember the details of her so clearly.. her eyes.. her nose.. her lips.. her hands.. her voice.. its like a video recorder out of order.. the images of her just flashes across non-stop.. i was so stunned by the event & not knowing what to do, i bang real hard on the wall, hoping to stop it & luckily, after a few bangs it stopped.. i think i was too free already that's why all this came haunting me.. i was strong enough not to shed a single tear.. guess i was ready to "forget" her.. not sure but hope the next time if i think of her again, i won't tear.. not cold-blooded but i need to step out of the shadow already.. i got haunted long enough..

Grazed around

did nothing much this few days.. went out & "dating" most of the time.. kekekeke.. today went out with peiqi to get present for a classmate who is returning to serve his NS.. felt quite useless as i didn't really help much.. after buying went to have some ice-cream.. then was farewell & i head off to visit my granny.. chat with her awhile as she was tired & she went off to sleep.. so i made my move to find kat as i was around the area.. haix.. met up awhile & i was down with stomach pain.. damn.. waited 10mins for the cubicle to clear.. damn.. i was breaking into cold sweat lor.. cheh.. dun ever wan tat kinda feeling again.. arh!! after i came out saw ning with her.. kekekeke.. so embarrassed to make them wait but its not my fault really.. so head to hawker to have dinner & after tat to kat's place.. harold came & we chit chat until its time to go off..
haix.. i still dun haf the courage to say it.. when will i be able to do it? am i too concerned about rejection? i hate tat kinda feeling & i noe nobody like it either but wat to do.. its the only way to noe if she likes u onot.. *sigh*

就是爱你 (Just love u)

To My Friends Who Are............ATTACHED

Being together is always easy but maintaining the relationship is never one. Trust each other more as jealousy will eventually lead to harvest-less garden. If the love is never meant for each other, let it go. There’s always someone for you in this boundless space.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

我终于还是说了一句我爱你 (I finally said the word "I Love U")
还记得那个微凉夜里天空正飘着小雨 (Still remembering that rainy night)

心跳的声音像舞动奇迹 (My heart beats like a dance)
你看着我说千万不要爱上你 (U looked at me & told me not to fall for u)
因为你只会让我伤心别傻了快点喊停 (Because u'll only make me sad, don't be a fool & stop)
你那么冷静忽远又忽近 (u'r so quiet.. sumtimes far, sumtimes near)

我知道你对我来说也许太年轻 (I know u'r too young for me)
我想我猜我问我终于了解 (I thought, i guessed, i asked & finally understand)

原来为爱流的眼泪也是种甜蜜滋味 ('cause the tears sheered for love can be so sweet)
只想爱你当我和你走在一起就已经决定 (I decided to only love u when i walked with u)

不看不听不问也不会放弃 (Ain't lookin, ain't listernin, ain't askin & not giving up)
是你让我了解自己可以为爱那么坚定 (u let me noe tat i can love so firmly)

只想爱你好想每天睁开眼睛就能看到你 (juz wana luv u like openein my eyes everyday)
我知道我偶尔有一点任性 (I noe sumtimes i'm stubborn)

不管你做任何决定究竟爱我还是逃避 (no matter wat decisions u made, i still hide frm luv)
sorry 我还是不会放弃爱你 (对不起. I still wun give up on luvin u)

sorry 我还是不会放弃 (对不起. I still wun give up)
我还是不会放弃爱你 (I still will not give up on luvin u)

Dedicated to all......

To My Friends Who Are...........SINGLE
Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you.
But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it.
Love can make you happy but often it hurts,
but love's only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it.
So take your time and choose the best.


To My Friends Who Are............NOT SO SINGLE
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's 'perfect person.
It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.


To My Friends Who Are............PLAYBOY/GIRL TYPE
Never say 'I love you' if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. Never look in the eye when all you do is lie. The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways...

To My Friends Who Are............MARRIED
Love is not about 'it's your fault', but 'I'm sorry.' Not 'where are you', but 'I'm right here.' Not 'how could you', but 'I understand.' Not 'I wish you were', but 'I'm thankful you are.

To My Friends Who Are............ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.

To My Friends Who Are............HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.

To My Friends Who Are............NAIVE
How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain.

To My Friends Who Are............POSSESSIVE
It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.

To My Friends Who Are............AFRAID TO CONFESS
Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.

To My Friends Who Are............STILL HOLDING ON
A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now he's not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Let go.....

TO ALL MY FRIENDS.......
My wish for you is a man/women whose love is honest, strong, mature, never-changing, uplifting, protective, encouraging, rewarding and unselfish.

Expressing problem?

guess i really need to go for some english upgrading course.. i'm mistaken over what i wrote again.. irritated.. whatever la.. its not the first time i got shot over something i did not intend it to be.. misrepresented the message? guess i care too much on explaining myself to clear the air just now.. i should just accept the blame & jolly get over with it.. well.. already happened.. just leave it as it is bahx.. any continual of the conversation will lead to worse response..

Hoping for a pass only.. Is it too much?

haix.. the paper today looks easy but i find it quite tricky & challenging wor.. damn.. i really can't assure of a pass le.. got the concepts but why alwayz got a mental blockage when coming to the main thing.. sianx.. saw quite alot of familiar faces in the exam hall.. some of them i don't expect to fail was there too.. quite shocked.. felt that i had let my mentor down.. wasted so much of her time & effort.. seem like i let down to those who have the fate in me.. sorry to disappoint u all.. i'm disappointed in myself too.. what done cannot be undone.. i had tried my best le.. *sigh*

Just laze around..

wah.. damn tired now.. just reached home from studying.. jialet ar.. still can't get much things into my brain yet.. most of the concept i got them correct le.. think just see how the paper goes le.. haix.. was with ning & kat at my place's mac.. really hope the stupid paper will be much easier lor.. sianx.. hope for a pass will do.. i guess i stress out by pressurising myself too much.. although still can't get over how i failed but i'll take it as a simple set-back to build myself stronger to prepare for worse set-backs.. i'm grateful that so many shown their concern.. i won't forget the things u all said de.. *touched* i will fight-toh!!~~ woosh!!!!
btw.. the previous post is not talking about anyone.. so don't be mistaken if anything similar took place or happened to someone.. its a way i vent my anger only.. vent at nobody so created a "enemy" for me to vent at.. my apology..

Super bad mood

Fucking just leave everybody alone idiot.. dun keep going ard & asked how everybody did.. i noe u passed but it irritates people.. not only me.. reality is cruel.. so be it.. u'r being dislike!!! get it?? yeah.. big fuck.. i fail my macro.. like it or not.. yeah.. i failed.. its a blow to me as its my 1st sub paper i ever took in SIM.. u wan a piece of me?? come get me.. fuck!!! maybe its him/her tat made me blow.. ha!!! really must see the person who showed u the concern at times like tis.. juz fuck off!!!

I think i know all this while..

yaya.. i think some of u craving for my emo blog already right?? kekekeke..
"最后仍然是手放开".. do this look familiar? of coz la.. for those who had caught me on msn will see this on my avatar.. its really nth la as my few posts already told much on what happened.. already noticed she got someone in mind.. i know i'm not good enough for her but still I really wanna tell her how I feel about her.. But thanks to ning.. I was "pre-informed" that I got no luck in love life this month and that someone has someone to chase after her.. sad case.. haix.. forget it bahx.. arh!!! sometime I really wonder why i don't fucking finished my dip the other time & suffer less of this kinda r/s" prob.. liking a person is ez but y telling them is so difficult?? afraid of being hurt again?? yes i am!! being a coward again?? yes i am!! hiding & shying from love again?? yes i am!! then y the hell i got the courage to like her then?? i'm really a big failure in r/s.. now she got a target le so wat can i say now?? nth again.. its all bck to basic.. all is gone!! all is gone......... i can only again view her frm afar.. really far this time.. juz let me sink deeper & con't to fall into my pit-less sadness..

This few days~~

Nothing much happened after the bbq except going for a job interview & a small gathering session due to kester's birthday..
yesterday went out in a small group with francis, jorene, keichin, felix, kez, yunkee, harianto & me.. went for lunch at the basement of suntec & after tat was ice-cream time!! yunkee, kenichi & me can't resist the temptation.. kekekeke.. kenichi head off early as he got to go for his dragon boat training.. after which went to walk around & got stuck at the toys' road show for quite some time.. bought stuffs there & got an advance bdae present for yunkee.. kekekeke.. its just a cookie monster soft toy but looks cute.. ahahahaha.. then got sumthg for sum1 else but its no surprise to her.. *cheh* then went to play arcade.. must admit i old liaox.. i can't even do DDR properly liaox.. omg!!! used to be one of my favorite game lor.. ahahahaha.. after that kez & yunkee gotta go so i walked them to the escalator.. i took the chance & go out walk walk & rest while they con't with photo hunt.. kekekeke.. buay tahan lor.. then head down to marina square.. they wanted bowling but no lane available so end up having a game of pool.. during the game sum1 oreadi complained hungry so we went to eat at the stalls beside DXO.. the food not bad but sumhw cannot make it oso.. haix.. took cab home after that..
Recently also had a deal with xinning over the "save-the-world-&-no-smoking-till-result-day-or-else-punishment" campaign.. ahahahaha.. i think i can survive that since its my 5th attempt to stop.. must stop this time.. nobody's fault that i become like that as its my own will that i wanted to quit even before this campaign.. appreciate her help also.. kekekeke.. i'm not alone anyway.. muahahahaha.. but i'm having sum prob also.. my body seem not able to take it.. so i gotta rely on my mind to control myself le.. hope i can really quit this time, ending my many years of smoking.. fight-toh!!!~~

Class bbq

woah~~ just had a filled sleep.. was so tired when i reached home & i almost din pulled myself to the bath room.. ahahahaha..
can say that the class bbq was a huge success.. hope everyone enjoyed the event as much as i had.. everybody were in high spirits except for the scene for partings.. haix.. i just hate goodbyes.. i still can't avoid myself for being emotional again.. damn.. it was so embarrassing.. ya ya.. rain filled my eyes.. *its was raining also* the thoughts of parting was too great for me i guess.. hope my emo did not or will not affect or turn off anyone.. kekekeke.. this maybe the last time we could gather as such a big group.. from now on.. i gotta accept that we won't be seeing as much as it used to be.. well.. most of them will be continuing their studies so i think still will have the ability to meet them up.. hoping so & looking forward to.. all the best mates~~ ^-^

The new chapter beginning soon..

finally.. no more exam.. today is the last paper already.. hopefully the effort i put in won't be fruitless as i spent countless nights studying.. will miss the friends i made.. the time i spent with them.. haix.. trying not to be too emotional but i guess by avoiding all will be the best way out.. cruel!! my feelings always get the better of me even when i reminded myself to be strong.. guess i can never do so.. ahahahaha.. wish u all the best in your continual of studies.. my path won't meet with u all but i hope the bond will live forever.. i'll be stepping back into working life after this.. i can proudly said that i finally fulfilled my wish of finishing my diploma.. cheers to myself.. hope i didn't disappoint anyone.. oh.. not forgetting.. happy birthday leona~~
well.. my walk down memory lane this few days was pretty nice.. took an early ride to school this few days to sit at the bus stop where i first met her.. sweet memories.. don't know when will i get the chance to experience this kind of loving feeling again.. stupid of me right?? ahahaha.. but sometimes acting blur over things can actually see a clearer picture on how she looked at me also.. kekekeke.. 7years & when finally someone touched my heart.. i shy away from it as i know reality is cruel.. i'm just hoping for a relationship that is impossible to happen.. but i'm glad that our life ever crossed.. i'm happy enough le.. there's a saying: "loving someone is not by having her but to have her free". i dunno how true the degree of this sentence is but will be looking forward for a future with her if possible.. if possible..

End of tour

finally.. everything ended "officially" yesterday.. i dunno how to describe the feeling but its sad.. some of us may only see each other on the exam day itself & some of us are still able to see each other when we are studying together.. hate to say this but i really hate the feeling of being apart with friends.. *sigh* i still got a lot of things to share with my friends also but time waits for no one.. life will still goes on & everybody will be fighting their own battles again from then on.. tears filled my heart & sadness touched my mind as i'm writing this.. one thing i never regret is that i'm glad that i chose to study in SIM & making all this whole lot of friends.. i'm glad that they crossed my path in life.. no amount of gratitude could be thanked but the gladness of having them is never undying.. not willing to let them go but i got to as everyone will spread their wings & soar towards their goals & i'm likewise.. i wanna thank all of you for the memories you gave me. thank you all~~ ^-^
but i'm ready for my next challenge in life where the working world is waiting for me.. i'll be opening a new chapter in life soon.. a chapter where fights & struggles will be filling most of my career paths.. seen a lot of this ever since i first started working.. i'll work harder to change my life into a better one..
oh.. not forgetting.. last nite went to see the fireworks again.. not as good as fri's but overall still ok la.. kekekeke.. will combine them with the video also.. erm.. i got problem with combining the video also as the free converter online only allows 2mins.. guess i gotta buy le.. haix..

Friendship forever~~~

woah~~ just reached home from the outing.. went out with peggy, yulaini, juthdy, kenichi, geraldyn, jorene, francis, harianto & felix to watch the fireworks display at esplanade.. nice sia.. will try to get the video up as soon as possible.. its a fun & memorable day for me as it is the second last day being together with them.. i will treasure today so dearly in my heart.. tomorrow will be the last day le.. the mix feelings of sadness & excitement is with me.. the very last gathering will be the bbq on the 3rd of sept.. hopefully my emotions won't get the better of me.. its so sad that when we are only beginning to enjoy each other's company, its already time to bid goodbye.. time waits for no one & i do really regret that i still do not know most of the classmates.. but i'm happy enough to know those i got to know. life is short & i always believe that i must treasure the people around me..
today not bad la.. did make so progress in macro.. we managed to "so-called" finished the 14th intake paper.. did cracked out brain but the feeling is nice when we get the answers.. its really morale boasting.. kekekeke.. tomorrow will be the last day for macro & the last lesson for the semester le.. haix.. everyone jia you wor for ya exams.. its rough but we can get through this together de..

Crazy?? Stupid?? Or just lonely??

haix.. kana from friends tat i'm crazy again.. *sigh* y?? because when we were talking about our ideal partner for life.. i just told them that as long as her character is good & no matter how she is, how she look, she's blind or deaf or she got disability.. i'll accept it.. then they gave me a strange look & i got "concerned" by the lectures they gave.. haix.. what's wrong with what i said?? they said i'm just pure stupid or is it i'm just lonely & need a companion.. how cruel can they said this to me?? haix..
i really dun know where's the prob lor.. liking a person is all about her inner beauty than the external beauty rite?? by having a vase for "viewing", are you really happy over it?? will you be happy with her?? is she really the one for you?? if all above dun meet ya category, so what's the point of having her?? or should i be the one waking up my bloody stupid ideas?? i'll still stick to that principal of mine unless someone really can change my mind over it..
to me, liking a person means liking her as a whole.. even she's a prostitute or some criminal, i'll still love her with all my heart if she's the one i'm looking for.. love has no barrier & i always believe in that.. & even with an unspeakable past, what done cannot be undone.. so why not held on to each other's hand & look forward for a better tomorrow & future?? i never wanna live a life with regrets.. the worst thing is that u missed the things u most wanted in life..

What mind mapping is this??

wah.. really wanna kill myself liaox.. the mind mapping for IMEC seem so useless!!! its just like a summary for the whole chapter lor.. felix & me surrendered after 2hours when we feel that we'r not making any progress at all.. sad case.. *sigh* must really sit down & cool my mind off before doing the IMEC write ups.. too tired to go on so i guess i'll take a rest first.. maybe after dinner i'll read through the notes bahx..

Brain "juice" all used up..

nv tot tat the marco past year papers to be so difficult.. we were in high spirit tat we could finished the paper but end up we stuck so long in one section.. damn.. after which we were too tired to continue lor.. haix.. really muz read more on macro.. the qns in the papers were so different from the way the lecturers told us.. guess we gotta spend more time gng thru tis subject le.. tmr will start on IMEC.. hopefully it wun be as rough as today.. headache lor.. *sigh* i not sure if got time to remember so much thgs onot.. arh!!.. one last breadth of "chionging" before it ended.. so sad.. 2 more weeks oni.. T_T

After presentation

woah~~ finally back home le.. the last presentation for the sem & course 'sounded off' with a grand note.. ended smoothly but dunno if result will be good.. hopefully will la 'coz we put in so much effort in it.. kekekeke.. but so tired now as last "nite" slept too "early" le.. sum more sat whole day din slp at all.. i'm gng to find 'zhou gong' play chess soon le.. *yawnz~~*
after presentation we, francis, dovan, ben, irham, jorene, yunkee, harianto, kenichi, kat, jacky & felix, went to PS for "celebration" aka gathering.. abit strange lor 'coz all of us wearing formal.. kekekeke.. after eating went arcade see see look look & play the games.. then we went walk walk but end up stuck at best denki.. were amused by the new guitar game.. funny lor.. jorene was so concentrated in the game.. really funny lor.. thk jacky got took some pics of her.. muahahahaha.. will ask him or francis put up in friendster then we comment on it.. ahahahaha.. look so fierce lor.. actually tot of gng to dovan's wkin plc but everybody were too tired.. so decided to go home.. so here i am.. heex..
tmr will be another tiring day as a few of us will be preparing for exam le.. left 2 more weeks & everythg will end.. sad ar but at the same time feeling happy over it.. so contradicting.. happy 'coz i finally fulfilled my dream of completing my dip.. sad 'coz i gonna part with her soon.. i dunno when will it be tat after the course i'll get to see her. but the memories of her with be kept dearly in my heart..

Just like the old times

Woah~~ finally finished the video taking for the IMEC project.. Its just as fun as the HR project the other time.. kekekeke.. but sianx lor.. mon gotta wear formal for the presentation.. hopefully the jury will be lenient with us.. haix.. already the last sem still give us this stun..
Haix.. talking about which.. time really flies.. I would really missed most of the classmates especially her.. *sigh* she stole my heart since the first time i saw her at the bus stop where i used to change my bus.. i didn't know she was from our class until sem 2.. omg.. how careless of me for not knowing that.. haix.. by the time i know her.. its already time to say goodbye.. how sad but no regrets knowing her also.. how stupid of me.. shy away from her but at the same time liking her.. so so so one sided.. kinda like this feeling as too long not in a relationship.. its nice but at the same time, i can feel the sour heart..

Thoughts far ahead??

yesterday went out with a group of classmates.. suppose to go cycling with them but end up nobody wanna go.. ahahahaha.. but even without going cycling, we did enjoy ourselves with the hang out session.. went to watch Rush Hour3 with them.. nice show.. recommended & a show not to be missed.. after which was dinner & after which went to walk around to shop for ken's stuff but end up jorene bought toy for her nephew.. we seem to enjoy alot at the toys' fair.. so funny.. seem like i found my childhood days there.. kekekeke.. then it was time for them to go, so sent ken & jorene to their bus stop before francis & me head to our respective destination..
went for some gathering with old pals.. its nice to see all of them again.. nothing much change but can see that age is catching up on us.. after the movie, everybody looked so tired lor.. ahahahaha.. did went for some chit chatting session before we made a move..
later gonna meet up with a bro who is flying tomorrow to Vancouver.. will be "so-called" the last time seeing him.. whenever we met, he would always ask me when i wanna join him there.. i would always tell him wait till i settle everything here.. it is my wish all this while to fly overseas to explore & work.. its nice to see the different cultures.. knowing nothing gonna change my mind on it, i would work towards that direction.. but where?? surely somewhere i am familiar with right?? this thought never fails me & will always hold me back.. what if i have someone in mind that made me stay?? would i still go as i wished?? my direction blurred when the thoughts raises.. *sigh* i need to reassure myself more as its my path of life..

What the hell am I doing!!!!!

so disappointed with my test today.. the paper is really quite easy but i messed up again.. haix.. its so simple but i made it looked so difficult until i oversee my points.. really deserve to fail this time.. the MPC is given & yet i do so much just to find the stupid MPS.. haix.. this is the 1st time i'm so confident in a test lor.. never felt any paper any easier than this.. arh!!!!!!!!! really hate myself for being so careless.. really got no face to face myself & others.. super low morale now.. must try to stand on my feet again for the coming main exam.. so so so disappointed.. *sigh* what done cannot be undone.. i really dunno what to say le.. suddenly lost interest in this subject.. damn pissed with myself & only blame myself for my own stupidity.. i can go bang as many walls as i can now.. maybe that can help in my brain.. *pui*